


Say My Name

by Graendoll



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Past Child Abuse, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-16 10:00:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14162355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graendoll/pseuds/Graendoll
Summary: Rey is a Parole Officer assigned to ex-con Ben Solo, a man who was in prison for 10 years after being charged with voluntary manslaughter.This work is completed, but being uploaded in chapters because of real life and time.Comments and feedback welcome and appreciated!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to CC for helping me edit this!

Rey arrived at her office at 7:30 Monday morning, turned on the fluorescent lights, and stared bleakly at the stacks of paperwork that looked back at her. She worked in a dim, windowless room in the middle of a government building that also held the District Attorney’s office, the magistrate court administrative staff and, oddly enough, the sanitation department’s bureau chief. She figured someone in sanitation must have pissed someone off if they got stuffed in a corner office in this poor excuse for a city building.

As part of the Probation and Parole department, Rey’s office was a total hole in the wall in the middle of the floor and was poorly lit, too small, and smelled vaguely of the cigarettes the last inhabitant smoked. She appreciated the field work aspect of her job, because she swore if she had to spend eight hours a day in the filthy nook that was her office she’d probably run screaming from the building.

She’d been a parole officer for the state for not quite a year and was assigned a caseload to manage. She had been given an extra three parolees yesterday, hence her early arrival and the stacks of paperwork on her desk. Her caseload had lightened a bit last week when one of her parolees made the very stupid decision to sell a kilo of heroine to an undercover officer, resulting in his being thrown back in prison, while a second one aged out of the system. As far as she knew, number two was going to be a productive member of society from this point forth. Or at least she hoped he would be. He was a good egg, that one. Older, he had been incarcerated for petty larsony and assault, and had served eighteen months of a three-year sentence before being released into her care. His parole had been twelve months and in that time he had gotten a steady job, a car and, as surprising as she found it, a girlfriend who seemed to be absolutely devoted to him. She much preferred when her cases ended in that happy manner rather than with them going back to prison.

Rey stifled a yawn as she placed her purse in the bottom drawer of the rickety filing cabinet and her coffee cup on the desk. She grabbed the stacks of new parolees, sat down, and began reviewing their cases.

The first one was pretty straightforward. The woman was younger than Rey by two years, only twenty, but she’d been in and out of the system for solicitation (which was a fancy word for prostitution) several times. She always violated parole and inevitably ended up back in jail. No education, a history of drug use, no family nearby. Rey sighed, not having a whole lot of hope that she would be successful with her and moved on to the next file.

Number two was an older man, mid forties, who had been in for felony possession and didn’t have any priors. She looked a little closer at this one, trying to figure out what kind of work he might be capable of. Part of her job was to assist her parolees with getting gainful employment, finding secure living arrangements, and generally assisting them with reintegration. This guy had a college degree in accounting and since his crime wasn’t financial in nature she might be able to set him up with a white collar job. Contrary to popular belief, there were quite a few businesses willing to hire ex-cons, especially non-violent ones. Rey set number two back on the stack.

Number three was another man, younger than the other but still older than Rey. As she looked more at the case she started to frown. Voluntary manslaughter, and he was incarcerated at nineteen. So probably no education and maybe no skills. She suspected his crime was gang related, since that’s what usually got a young man sentenced to manslaughter at that age, but as she read further she realized that wasn’t the case here. She noticed that there had been child welfare reports included in the court documents and sentencing notes indicated that even though he was no longer a minor, this criminal had received leniency because of his previous relationship with the victim. Apparently her third new parolee had killed his father during a fight, stabbing him a single time. The victim had died en route to the hospital due to blood loss since the stab wound had severed the renal artery.

Rey sighed. Working with abuse victims who committed violent crimes was always difficult, especially if they were juveniles. Whether they were able to really ever get their lives together was up for debate. Sure, some successfully completed parole and stayed out of prison, but their lives never really improved in her experience.

She took a drink of her coffee and turned on her computer. While the courts provided her with paper files, most of her work was done on the computer. Scheduled visits, court dates, drug tests, etc were all kept on her calendar which she also had on her work cell. As a parole officer, she was required to be available pretty much 24/7. So she had a work phone and a personal phone, and never the ‘twain did meet. God forbid some creepy ex-con sex offender end up with her private number.

She updated her electronic files with the addresses, phone numbers, and other personal details for the paper files the court had provided her. The paper files would be returned to the court once she completed the data transfer for their permanent records and archives, so she spent the better part of two hours making sure that all the relevant information was copied over and housed in the probation and parole database.

She leaned back and stretched her arms over her head as she finished, twirling in her chair when someone knocked on the doorframe of her office.

When she looked up her boss, Poe Dameron, was leaning casually against the wall with his usual half smile on his face and a cup of coffee in his hand. “I see you’ve been looking through your new cases?”

Rey smiled. “Yes, sir. Should keep me busy.”

Poe just laughed. It was a running joke in Probation and Parole to tell each other they were never busy. The truth was, it was the exact opposite. The department was underfunded and the staff was overworked and every single one of the probation officers Rey worked with was so busy keeping their parolees out of trouble they barely had time to eat, much less cause trouble of their own.

Poe gesture to the new files. “There’s a violent offender in that pile. You okay with that?”

He was referring to Number Three. “All part of the job, boss.” Rey was pretty sure Poe didn’t give her any special considerations at this point. She had insisted on being treated fairly and not given easy cases just because she was a woman, young, and, if she said so herself, relatively attractive. But he did like to check-in occasionally to make sure she was okay with her caseload. While she appreciated it, she had no desire to be coddled.

Poe just nodded. “You’re due in court at 11. Judge has your initial assessments with those three scheduled and then there‘s the hearing for Roger.” Rey nodded. Roger was the idiot who sold a kilo of heroine to an undercover officer. Poe gave her a little wave before continuing down the hallway.

Rey stacked all of her files neatly in the cardboard filing box, the three new parolees plus her notes on Roger Pemberton, and put the lid on it. Part of her appearance today was because she’d have to testify to the court regarding any knowledge she might have that would assist them in understanding where he’d gotten the heroine in the first place. She had no idea where he had gotten the drugs, frankly. He’d been arrested on multiple counts of possession and intent to sell a controlled substance over the course of his thirty years and this was just one more idiotic attempt on his part to make it into the big time. She picked up the big cardboard filing box, awkwardly grabbed her purse, and left her office, turning off the light and shutting the door behind her.

 

******

 

The court proceedings were exhausting and Rey took a minute to relax behind the steering wheel of her car before she started the ignition and hurried off to the home visits she had scheduled for the afternoon and early evening. The court generally arranged the initial appointments for all paroled convicts prior to their release. All subsequent meetings are handled by the office of Probation and Parole, so Rey’s schedule this afternoon had a couple of tight fits. She had her previously scheduled appointments and then the initial assessments for all three of her new parolees had been scheduled for this afternoon as well. Her brief respite in her car would probably be her last minute of free time until dark.

She stopped by Starbucks between her 2:00 and her 3:00 appointment because the addresses were relatively close to one another, and chugged the latte in the parking lot of the monthly rental complex that currently housed her 3:00 appointment. She pulled her notebook and her work phone out of her bag as she glanced down to confirm the apartment number. The building was a big brick square that looked fairly institutional. It was a transitional housing apartment complex that a lot of the released felons from the local men’s prison ended up at for their first month back in civilization. It was kind of like a halfway house, but with more privacy. Rey was never entirely certain what prompted some folks to be released here instead of to the group home on the other side of town, but she definitely felt like had she been forced to choose she would prefer one of these tiny studios.

The apartment she was headed to was on the second floor and Rey took note of the fact that the lighting in the stairwell was nonexistent. While she didn’t want her boss to treat her like a delicate flower, she wasn’t an idiot. When approaching a known felon, especially a violent offender, it was best to stay aware of one’s surroundings. Rey also took self defense courses and ran regularly to stay fit enough to feel confident in her physicality. She liked to think that if she got herself into a jam she would be more than capable of handling herself.

She approached the apartment where her next parolee lived and rapped loudly on the door. It was always good to assert her confidence and authority right from the beginning, and set clear boundaries. She looked down at her notebook and re-read the comments she had made for herself regarding the circumstances of this case and waited for the door to open.

She heard the creak of the door hinges, signaling that her knock had been answered, and began to speak before fully raising her gaze to the person who had opened the door. “Mr. Solo?”

“Who’s asking?”

Rey blinked and nearly swallowed her tongue.

The man standing in the doorway was not what she had expected. Although, in all honesty she didn’t really expect anything. But had she expected something, he would not have been it. He was wearing a pair of blue jeans, slung low on his hips, belt unbuckled, exposing his hip bones and the “v” of his abdominal muscles. He had on socks, but no shirt, and the broad expanse of his muscular chest gave her a view of entirely too much male flesh. She briefly glanced at a horrible scar on one side of his abdomen, but it didn’t register as a flaw, just something else to take in. One of his hands was still on the door and the other was over his head, leaning against the frame. His dark hair was wet and too long, curling around his neck, and his features were a combination of overly masculine and oddly romantic, with full lips, framed by a dark mustache and goatee, and eyes the color of amber. Rey took all this in over the course of a second, hoping that her cool facade hadn’t been cracked.

It didn’t go unnoticed that he was giving her the once over as well and she watched while he clenched and unclenched his jaw.

Rey raised an eyebrow. “I’m Rey Jakku, your parole officer.” The look of surprise on his face was priceless. “Do you have a shirt or something you could put on?”

He dropped his hand from the doorframe and pulled the door open wider. “Yeah. You coming in?”

Rey nodded and he moved aside to let her in.

He closed the door behind her and she turned, catching him running his fingers through his hair. “I was expecting someone...well I was expecting a guy.”

Rey just looked at him while he walked over to the couch and pulled on a black t-shirt. He sat down and shoved his foot in a boot while they just stared at each other.

“You know, Ray. It’s a guy’s name.”

Rey remained silent while she looked around the room. It was a small space, but incredibly tidy. There was a hot plate on a small table in the corner to the left of the entrance and a single chair, as well as a mini fridge on the floor between the couch and the table. Straight across from the doorway was another door that led to the bathroom and shower, and to the right of the door was the bed. It was set up a lot like a hotel room actually, and Rey had been in a number of these apartments. She watched Mr. Solo pull on his other boot.

He ran his fingers through his hair again and leaned back into the couch, looking her over with a much different gaze than the heated one he’d used previously. Assessing her in a much more calculating way.

Rey didn’t want him to get the upper hand, so she broke the silence. “It’s spelled differently, Mr. Solo.” She placed her paperwork on the small table and pulled out the chair, sitting to face him.

He leaned back and crossed his arms over his broad chest. “Call me Kylo.”

Rey crinkled her forehead and pulled out her pen. “Your name is listed as Ben Solo. Is Kylo an alias? That wasn’t in your file.”

His mouth twisted in annoyance. “Call it what you want, but I don’t answer to Ben Solo.”

“Okay.” She crossed her legs, the fabric of her slacks whispering the only noise in the room, and looked up at him. Even sitting down he seemed significantly taller than her, but she refocused her attention on the assessment. “I reviewed your case and I know you have never been on parole before, so I want to make sure we’re clear on your obligations in order to make sure your reintroduction is successful.”

He narrowed his gaze at her. “My reintroduction.”

“Yes.” She tapped her pen against her notebook. “Does that idea bother you Mr. Solo?”

“Kylo.”

She conceded the point, but wasn’t about to give up the main issue. If he wasn’t on board with reintegrating, this would never work. “Fine, Kylo. Does the idea of reintegrating into society concern you?”

He leaned towards her, resting his forearms on his thighs, letting his hands fall between his spread knees while he looked at her with an intense expression. “I wasn’t really ever integrated in the first place, Rey-J.”

The nickname was totally inappropriate, and she needed to make sure she set some boundaries with this man. “Please don’t call me that. It’s Rey, or Miss Jakku. Nicknames aren’t really part of this relationship.” The minute she said it, she realized the irony in having previously called him by an alias, but she needed to at least attempt to make her point.

“We’ll see.”

Rey chose to ignore that vague statement and the flair of annoyance that accompanied it, and instead turned her focus back to her assessment. “Primary requirements of your parole include finding and keeping gainful employment, anger management, and counseling classes as assigned by the courts. Weekly meetings with myself, as well as unscheduled visits once a month. Securing an acceptable residence and avoiding arrest.” She tapped on her notebook with her pen at each item on her list. “You also can’t leave the state”—tap—“must inform me of any change in residence”—tap—“and—”

The pen was ripped out of her hand and she stared, mouth slightly open, completely astounded at his audacity.

He shook the pen at her and glared. “I swear to god, woman, if you tap that notepad with this pen one more time…”

Unwilling to let him get the upper hand about anything, Rey reached out and grabbed the pen back out of his fist, pleased to see she’d surprised him again. He obviously didn’t expect her to fight back.

He leaned back and put a bored expression on his face. “We done yet?”

Rey had no idea why she was poking this particular bear. Perhaps it was in an effort to make up for the thrill of attraction she’d felt upon first seeing him, standing half naked in his doorway. Regardless, it was generally a bad idea to pick fights with ex-cons, especially about pens. For some reason, though, she wasn’t at all concerned for her safety with this particular offender. She trusted her instincts and generally she read people well, a necessity in her line of work. While the man in front of her was clearly grouchy, prone to fits of temper, and kind of a pain in her ass, she got the impression that she was probably entirely safe around him.

“Not even close. Let’s continue, shall we?”

The rest of the assessment proceeded without additional incident. Rey explained that she would be arranging for an appointment with the job services department in an effort to get him employment and they reviewed his skills so she could reach out to her own job sites.

“I’m not sure manipulating people is really a marketable skill.”

He just shrugged, “You asked me what I was good at. Figured it was more marketable than destroying inanimate objects in fits of rage.”

She’d almost grinned, felt the twitch of her lips. “So demolition may be an option.”

He raised his eyebrows and she looked down at her notes, mildly annoyed with herself for her flippant response. She got the questions back on track and managed to keep a straight face for the rest of the assessment.

She’d left just at the end of the hour, reminding him that she would be stopping by again in two days at the same time. He’d opened the door for her and she’d shown herself out, neither exchanging any sort of parting salutations.

Rey got back into her car and moved onto her next appointment.

The rest of her day was busy, but relatively uneventful. It wasn’t until she pulled into the parking space for her condo later that night that she gave herself a minute to think about what had happened that afternoon with Mr. Solo. She was oddly comfortable in his company and had found herself having to remind her brain that she was working. She sighed.

“Careful, Rey,” she whispered to herself, before turning the ignition in her car.

She grabbed her purse, got out, and walked to her door, locking the sedan with a beep. The condo was unlocked and she went in, slipping out of her heels as she did so and dropping them at the threshold. She took off her jacket to hang it up and watched as it fell onto the small table that Finn had kept telling her to use instead of leaving her stuff on the floor.

“Finn?” She called out to her roommate. “Are you home?”

“In the kitchen!”

Rey threw the rest of her stuff on the messy pile she’d created and wandered into the kitchen. “That smells amazing. What did you make?”

Finn laughed. “Take out.” He handed her a paper box container of pad Thai and a fork. “How was your day?”

“Busy. Three newbies and a court appearance for an idiot.”

Finn tsked and grabbed his food and a beer, gesturing to the sofa in the living room. They sat together on the couch and Rey spent a few minutes devouring her food. She was starving. She hadn’t eaten lunch and her tiny breakfast of a banana seemed like yesterday. Finn looked at her sideways while she shoved forkfuls into her mouth and she just chewed, daring him to say something.

She and Finn had been friends since college, and when she started working in Parole, Finn insisted that she would be safer with a roommate. She conceded his point because rent was always cheaper when you had someone to help you pay it. They were good friends and had always been close, but it had been a little uncomfortable in the beginning. Once they started sharing a space, Rey realized that Finn may have been harboring some feelings for her that he’d failed to mention prior to them getting the condo. Luckily, Finn had met a lovely woman named Rose about nine months ago and had been pretty much devoted to her since. Rey was happy for him and frankly glad that there was no potential for anything awkward because it had turned out Finn was incredibly easy to live with, and Rey liked coming home to dinner. Even if it was takeout.

She shoveled another forkful into her mouth and slurped a stray noodle, making Finn look at her with a grimace.

“It’s like you were raised by wolves.”

She smirked at him and chewed gleefully.

He took another dainty bite of his curry, trying to make a point, and asked her the same question he always did when she got additions to her caseload. “So do you think the newbies will make it?”

Finn liked to track whether or not Rey could predict if her people would be able to get their lives back on track. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he kept a running tally somewhere. Maybe he and Rose took bets.

She finished up her mouthful of noodles while she considered her answer. “One, definitely not. Two, probably. Turns out he’s married and his wife is super supportive. Three—” She stopped as she thought about her third newbie, Ben Solo. “I dunno about three, Finn. He’s pretty damaged. But you know me. I always try to see the good in people.”

Finn nodded and the conversation turned to other things.

  
******

 

Kylo had closed the door after his parole officer left and tried to calm down. The interview with her had been a horrible combination of humiliating and intellectually stimulating. He hated that he was completely at the mercy of his parole officer, but he found himself drawn to her anyway. He’d spent a good portion of the assessment staring at her freckled face, taking in her wide mouth and hazel eyes. But he resented the entire thing, the entire process. He had no money, no job, no family and no life skills. He’d been in prison for a decade, having gone in when he was nineteen, and now this gorgeous woman—the first pretty woman he’d seen since he’d been locked up—came into the hovel he lived in and spent an hour explaining all the rules he had to follow. Rules that she personally was holding him accountable for. It was too much. He felt out of control and hated it. He clenched his fists and took some deep breaths in an effort not to destroy all the furniture.

He hadn’t been lying to her when he’d listed one of his skills as destroying inanimate objects. He’d fought, a lot when he was younger and his skills had just been honed when he was in the joint. His temper had been responsible for a lot of destruction. Fighting was cathartic, a release. And even though he was a big guy at 6’3”, as a younger convict it had been imperative from the beginning to assert himself. He wasn’t used to just sitting back and letting some tiny woman take over his life, his decisions, his freedom. But she fucking had. If he were being completely honest with himself, a part of him was content to let her do it.

Because how long had it been since anyone took the time to look out for him?

Years.

Decades.

Never.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo spend the day out together.

Rey pulled into the parking lot of the complex and took a deep breath, fortifying herself, before getting out of the car. Her entire day had been set aside to get Ben Solo settled, and frankly she wasn’t sure how she felt about having to be in his company for eight hours.

She had spent yesterday in her office, scheduling appointments for her new parolees. The first, the young prostitute, was already back in jail, having been picked up the same day she was released for—surprise, surprise—solicitation. That had freed up some time for Rey and she made some calls for her second newbie, scheduling drug tests at the state facility and then two job interviews. Since he’d been welcomed back into the loving arms of his wife, Rey had no need to chauffeur him to his appointments. She just needed to check-in with her contacts at the drug testing facility and job sites to make sure he actually went to his appointments.

Ben Solo, on the other hand, had no one. His family, as it turned out, had scattered to the winds. The contact information the court had for his mother and uncle, the only known relatives, had all been outdated. Rey had done some digging to try to find them and come up empty handed. So until her parolee at least got a job and could afford a bus pass, she’d be obligated to take him to most of his initial appointments. She found that she wasn’t at all upset by that, a fact that made her hesitant to spend the entire day shuttling him from appointment to appointment.

She walked up the poorly lit staircase for the second time and wandered down the hallway to his apartment. She rapped loudly on the door again and straightened her shoulders in preparation for him answering.

The door opened and he stepped out into the hallway, forcing her to move over a bit, before he slammed the door behind him.

“Let’s get this over with.” He pushed past her and walked down the hallway toward the staircase.

Rey rolled her eyes as she followed him. He was clearly crabby this morning.

She unlocked her car from the mobile fob and slid into the driver’s seat while she waited for him to lower his tall frame into the passenger’s side. She looked at his profile before starting the car, and he glanced at her sideways.

“Doesn’t this make you nervous?” His low voice rumbled the question and Rey couldn’t help but feel like the sound was a tangible thing that wrapped around her like smoke.

She looked at him briefly before backing out of the parking space and turning onto the street. “You mean, driving around an ex-con?”

“Yeah.”

She shrugged, projecting an air of indifference. “It’s my job.”

His eyes looked her up and down. “Dangerous job.”

Rey squirmed in her seat and changed the subject. “The first stop is the job development site. You need to find work within 30 days of release. Failure to do so results in a violation unless we can provide a good reason why you weren’t able to secure employment. Also, you need income so you can get your own place. The transitional housing is only for a month. We reviewed your skills the other day, but the job development staff can do a more thorough intake and they have access to more sites than I do.” Rey stopped at a red light and paused to look at him to see if he was paying any attention.

He was staring out the window, instead.

She continued, “Then we’ll get you down to the welfare office—”

Kylo’s head snapped to her at this one. “What the fuck do you mean, welfare office?”

Rey was ensnared by his hawk like gaze, unable to break the eye contact. He looked furious and ashamed and she couldn’t help feeling like she wanted to comfort him. Which alarmed her.

“You were released with what, $200? That’s standard. You have no health insurance, I assume? How much have you already spent on clothes and food? You need the help until you get on your feet.”

He just stared at her, his full lips pulled into a pout. Rey tried hard not to stare back, but was struggling.

“I’ll help you,” she said softly.

He broke eye contact first, gesturing at the light. “Light’s green.”

Rey mentally shook herself and accelerated.

  
******

 

By the end of the day, he wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole or put his fist through a wall. He wasn’t picky about which.

They had spent hours together and the whole time everything they did made him feel more worthless and pathetic than before. By the time they pulled into the parking lot at his place he wanted to tell his oh-so-helpful parole officer to fuck off and leave him alone. He opened the door before she’d even fully stopped the car and nearly jumped out of the vehicle, slamming the door behind him. He didn’t wait to see if she had anything else to say, a follow up appointment to schedule, anything. He needed to get away from her.

He heard her get out of the car but ignored it, walking quickly to the stairwell and taking the stairs two at a time.

“Mr. Solo.” He clenched his jaw. Solo was his father’s name and he hated it, but she’d insisted on calling him that all fucking day. Everywhere they went he had to sign that damn name, and with every piece of paper and official document, his irritation had spiked until his anger seethed around him like some red haze.

She must have jogged after him, because the next time she said that damn name she was almost right behind him.

“Mr. Solo!”

He turned around and pointed a finger at her, snarling. “Don’t fucking call me that.”

She stopped abruptly, a brief look of alarm crossing her features. He growled again, finally losing his temper. It had been boiling under the surface for hours and the look on the pretty woman’s face was too much. This was all too much. Too hard. Too humiliating. At least when he had been behind bars he worked, he fit like a piece in a machine. He knew what was expected and what role he was supposed to play. He knew the system, had power of his own, functioned and was even respected. But out here? Out here, he was a charity case and he was sick of it.

He turned and punched the wall over and over and over.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, stopping him. His hair was in his eyes, breath coming rapidly.

“Stop that.” Her face was worried, and he had a suspicion that she’d spoken those words to him more than once.

He looked down at his knuckles, bloody and raw. The wall seemed relatively unharmed. He ran his uninjured hand through his hair, shrugging her hand off his shoulder as he did so. Without looking at her he tried once more to get to his place in solitude but she stopped him by grabbing his elbow.

Rey stepped in front of him and he looked down at her. He searched her face, unsure what he saw there. She seemed genuinely concerned, but how would he know? When was the last time someone had been genuinely concerned for him? Whatever showed on her face, though, his outburst hadn’t seemed to piss her off so he supposed that was something.

“I understand,” she said, clearly trying too soothe him.

He didn’t buy it for a minute. “Bullshit.”

She looked down at his hand and sighed. “Let’s get this washed up.”

Feeling like an even bigger idiot, he followed her to the door and pushed her out of the way to unlock it. Not to be intimidated by him, she just returned the favor and pushed him aside on her way in, then headed straight for the bathroom. He kicked the door shut with his foot and sat on the edge of the bed, watching the blood ooze from his knuckles and run down his fingers.

He raised his head when his parole officer came over and knelt at his feet. She took his hand and wiped the blood off of it with a wet towel, turning it over to clean off the blood that had dripped down to his palm. He felt a warmth start to pool in his abdomen as he looked at how tiny her hands were in his, her touch gentle while she took extra care to clean his knuckles and refrain from hurting him. He opened his mouth to ask her a question, but she beat him to it.

“You can’t do stuff like that, Kylo. I know it’s only been a couple of days since you were released, but behavior like that is a sure fire way to get thrown back in prison. Especially if you damage property or...people.” She finished cleaning off his hand and looked up at him, pleading with him to understand.

“You do this for all your parolees, Rey-J?” He gestured with his injured hand before looking down at her lips. “Or just me?”

She stood abruptly, but he could have sworn he heard her whisper “just you” before she did.

She cleared her throat. “The interview at the diner is Friday, so I’ll be by that morning to drive you. Until then, stay out of trouble.” She dropped the towel at his feet and let herself out, shutting the door quietly.

 

******

  
Rey sat in her car, hands gripping the steering wheel. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” She banged her head against the top of it in an effort to punish herself for her stupidity. What on earth had she been thinking? It’s like her brains had fallen out of her ears and she’d suddenly become a complete moron.

The first rule for any parole officer was to maintain your boundaries and keep things professional. But one look at the tortured expression on Ben—Kylo’s—face and she’d just thrown all of the rules out the window, overcome by the need to comfort him, show him some kindness and stop him from hurting himself.

She should be horrified. She should have called the police. She definitely should not have touched him, cleaned him up, and confessed to anything remotely related to special treatment.

She turned the key in the ignition and backed out of the parking space more recklessly than normal. Her phone rang and she used the Bluetooth on her steering wheel to answer it.

“This is Rey.”

“Hi, uh, Miss Jakku.”

Rey recognized the voice. It was another one of her parolees, Armitage Hux. Any self-loathing she was considering indulging in was immediately set aside and she took on her best no nonsense tone. “Is there a problem, Mr. Hux?”

Armitage Hux was a nasty piece of work. In fact it was his case that was the impetus for the argument she’d had with her boss about being treated differently. Poe hadn’t wanted to assign Rey the case, but she’d insisted. Assignments in the parole office were supposed to be based on caseload. When one case closed, you got the next one to be assigned. Rey had just closed a case when Hux got paroled but Poe had been hesitant to assign him to her. Not only was she a female, but she was new and hadn’t had a lot of experience with, as Poe called them, perverts and douchebags. Rey had insisted, and Poe had acquiesced with a warning that if she ever felt uncomfortable she needed to take a uniform with her and she’d agreed.

Hux had served time for multiple accounts of sexual assault and battery, and he was the first violent offender Rey had ever worked with. He was a total sleezeball, and Rey hated working with him. She felt like he was constantly stripping her with his eyes and she knew without having to ask that he was thinking disgusting things every time he looked her way. But it was all part of her job and, up to this point, there hadn’t been any behavior that gave off obvious red flags. Other than the fact that he liked to drug women, beat them up, and fondle them, of course.

She’d taken Poe’s advice and brought along a uniformed officer for the first few visits, but his behavior had been exemplary so she’d stopped, not wanting to waste TPD resources. Hux hadn’t done anything explicit that could be considered a parole violation, but he had consistently pushed her. With a word here or there, a look, a suggestion. He’d tried to push her boundaries, and she was constantly having to reestablish dominance. It was exhausting.

His voice squawked through her speakers. “Well, no ma’am, I just wanted to see if we could reschedule this week’s check-in. I have…” He paused, making her suspicious. “Well, things came up.”

Not happy with the vague nature of that comment, Rey replied. “You know I can’t adjust my schedule this late in the week. You’re obligated to keep the original date and time or be in danger of violating your parole.”

“Hmmm, well, I would hate to do that.”

Rey shuddered at the tone in his voice, slippery and cold, like some sort of reptile. She made a face.

“I’ll see you Friday, Mr. Hux.” Rey disconnected the call and gave a whole body shudder. Hux was her least favorite parolee and, frankly, a part of her wished that he would screw something up so she could get him thrown back behind bars. The man was a menace.

Her phone rang again and she answered it in annoyance. “What?”

“Rey?”

Whoops. “Hi, Mr. Dameron. Sorry, that wasn’t very professional.”

He chuckled on the other end of the line. “I understand, Rey. Listen, we’re going out to the B-Bar after work. Me, Phasma, and a couple other folks. You want to tag along? Seems like everyone here’s had a shit day, and I thought it would boost morale to get all of you drunk”

Rey smiled. “Absolutely. My day has been shit too. I’ll see you all there.”

“Alright then. See you in a few.”

 

******

 

Rey was drunk.

She had shown up at the B-Bar right at 5:00, and had started drinking immediately. Her coworkers had all shared stories about their days, and Rey just agreed with everything they said and drank alongside them. Phasma had asked her what happened to ruin her day, and Rey had mumbled something about Hux. She knew if she divulged anything that had gone down with Mr. Solo, her boss would put the brakes on her drinking and she’d end up having a conversation about professionalism that she really wasn’t prepared for. It wasn’t so much that anything inappropriate had happened, more that all of her feelings about what had happened were inappropriate. Hence her desire to drown them in vodka.

Phasma had nodded her blond head at Rey’s mumbled description of her afternoon, accepting that the interaction with Hux was sufficient enough to ruin Rey’s day. As a more seasoned parole officer, she was one of the only other women in the department. She looked out for Rey in a way the guys didn’t, and, if she were being honest with herself, Rey leaned on Phasma a lot for advice and guidance. Not only that, but Phasma was the one person in the group that could really understand how much effort it took to deal with a sex offender as a female parole officer. She’d given Rey the thumbs up when Rey had shared the details of her phone call with Hux and encouraged Rey to give him no room for manipulation.

“The key is just showing the guy who’s the boss. Give him an inch and he’ll take a mile.”

Rey nodded and they moved on to other things. Four martinis later, Rey laid her head on the table and looked at Phasma. “You’re so nice to me.”

Phasma put down her own drink and looked at Rey. “Okay, new girl, you’re hammered and it’s barely 7:00.”

Rey just smiled up at her like an idiot. “Yup.”

“Give me your phone. I’m calling Finn.”

Rey just closed her eyes and nodded, enjoying the cool wood under her cheek, her head spinning. She felt Phasma rifle through her purse and pull out her personal phone, then listened to a one-sided conversation between Phasma and her roommate that included the words “smashed” “passed-out” and “pervert.” Rey giggled at the last one and sat up, wiping her mouth and being only mildly concerned that her cheek was sticky.

Phasma handed Rey her phone and picked a peanut off Rey’s face, shaking her head. “Finn will be here in about 45 minutes. You need to drink some water. When did you eat last?”

Rey cocked her head to the side in an over-exaggerated way, feeling like the muscles in her neck really weren’t capable of holding the weight of her head, and pondered Phasma’s question. “Lunch.”

Phasma gestured at Poe and he flagged down the waitress. They ordered Rey some water and potato skins.

Rey downed the water somewhat gracelessly and started playing with her phone. She needed to get laid, she decided in her drunken wisdom. That would surely solve all of her problems. Finn had always told her she had a horrible track record with relationships. He insisted she had daddy issues, whatever that meant. As far as Rey could tell, her only issue was that most people bored the hell out of her and beyond mediocre sex, nothing of any importance ever happened in her relationships. But at this point, she hypothesized that some meaningless mediocre sex might rid her of any residual self-loathing she might be carrying around due to her lapse in judgement earlier today. Or at least redirect it towards something else.

Realizing she was applying drunken logic to her situation, she paused over her contact list before making a decision she would regret. It’s not like she hadn’t dated recently, but none of the men she’d gone out with were worth the trouble of a booty call. They were all too much of a pain in her ass. Briefly, the ghost of an idea snaked its way through her thoughts but she shoved it down firmly. She was nowhere near drunk enough for that.

She made a mental note to get Kylo a cell phone anyway.

The waitress put a plateful of potato skins in front of Rey and she put her phone down, completely distracted by the smell of the bar food.

Poe looked at her across the table with a smile on his face. “You feeling better?”

Rey smiled back around a mouthful of food and gave her boss a thumbs up. He chuckled at her and took a drink out of his beer, continuing to watch her eat.

“Phasma said your roommate is going to come pick you up. This guy your boyfriend?”

Rey shook her head and swallowed her mouthful of cheesy potatoes and bacon. “Finn and I are just friends. We’ve lived together for a few years and he’s always been kind of a caretaker type, you know?”

Poe nodded and crossed his arms, leaning on the table with his elbows. One of his hands snaked out and stole a piece of food off her plate, resulting in her possessively pulling the food closer to her. He was her boss, but she didn’t share food lightly. Especially when drunk. She frowned down at her snack, one potato skin short.

“So, do you have a boyfriend?” His voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

Rey blinked. Poe was giving her his signature come-hither look. Poe had a reputation around the office as a ladies man and one of the first things Phasma had told her when she started working there was to ignore him and keep the proverbial pen out of the company ink. Was her boss asking her out?

“I know I’m three sheets to the wind, but how drunk are you?”

Poe laughed and sat up. “Just a question, Rey. I’ll drop it.”

“I don’t.”

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Have one. I mean—” Shit, she was too drunk to navigate this conversation. “Not that I’m, well, looking.” Even though she’d just been contemplating how badly she needed to get laid. She put her head in her hands and looked through her fingers at her boss, who was now grinning at her in amusement. “Fuck off, Dameron.”

“Message received.” He raised his beer bottle to her in surrender and turned to join the conversation between Phasma and her other coworkers.

Rey finished up her greasy meal, occasionally adding to the conversation around her. Feeling significantly more sober, she pushed the now empty plate away. Her phone buzzed and she reached for it. Finn had texted her and was waiting outside.

She made her goodbyes, hugged Phasma, waved awkwardly at her boss, and threw some money on the table before walking, surprisingly steadily, out to meet Finn.

She slid into the passenger seat and reclined the chair back to allow her to lie down.

Finn just chuckled. “Strap in, sunshine. We’ll pick up your car in the morning.”

“Thanks for getting me. I drank four martinis on an empty stomach.”

Finn laughed louder at that. “Tough day?”

Rey just rubbed her hands over her face. “You have no idea.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo has a job interview.

After a full day without having to interact with Ben Solo, Rey was feeling more sure of herself when she arrived at his place for his Friday morning job interview. Honestly, describing the meeting she’d set up as an interview was a stretch. The diner she had contacted had been a resource for the probation office for years. Run by an ex-con, the business was a perfect jumping off point for anyone who had been released and had no skills to fall back on. They were almost always in need of a dishwasher, busboy, or waitress, and it was on the bus route close to the transitional housing Kylo was in. The interview today was really just a formality. Rey expected it wouldn’t take long, and she’d have plenty of time to do her weekly with Hux after dropping Kylo off. Her mood soured at the thought.

She opened the door to her car, and grabbed her purse and the Walmart bag that had a couple of things in it for Kylo. She made her way up to his place and knocked on his door. She was treated with his standard disgruntled expression.

“Good morning! Are you ready?”

He looked her over and did something with his mouth, like he was chewing on his lips, that had her blinking.

“Kylo?”

“I’m not going. This is a waste of time.” He stood up straighter and looked like he was about to shut the door, so Rey shoved herself into his apartment and was slightly surprised that he let her. She threw her purse and the Walmart bag onto the little table in the corner and turned to look at him, her hands on her hips.

“What do you mean you’re not going?”

He continued to stare at her, arms crossed over his chest, working his jaw.

She sighed, her frustration increasing with his silence. “You can’t refuse to go. You’ll be in violation of parole and you’ll go back to prison. Is that what you want?” He still didn’t answer and her temper snapped. “Damnit, talk to me!”

He pushed himself off the door and walked past to her to look at the things she’d brought him, effectively ignoring her, until he pulled the largest item out of the bag. He turned back to her, a look of confusion on his face. “Did you get me a phone?”

Willing to let him change the subject, at least temporarily, she replied. “Yes. You need a way to get ahold of me.” He raised his eyebrows. After a beat she added, “And other people.”

He let his eyes roam over her, and then looked back at the phone. She took a step towards him and had to restrain herself from placing a hand on his shoulder in a gesture of comfort. “You need to come with me today, Kylo.” Still no response. “I know how hard this is.”

“You do?” He looked at her, then sneered, obviously annoyed by her attempts to make him feel better. “Ah, you do. Just like every other fucking convict, right Rey-J?”

She didn’t know what to say to that, didn’t like the way he’d twisted the nickname, even though she’d asked him not to call her that.

He stared at her a moment longer. “Fine.” He threw the phone on the couch and pushed past her shoulder, walking out of the apartment.

Rey felt like something significant had just happened, but didn’t know exactly what. Like she had missed some important decision that he had made. She rubbed her forehead in frustration. Sometimes her job was more trouble than it was worth. She picked up her things and followed.

 

******

 

The diner was located on a busy corner in the middle of a mixed use area. There were several apartment buildings nearby, a grocery, and a number of other small businesses. It was your typical urban neighborhood, one that had as of yet not been subjected to the makeovers of gentrification. Rey parked across the street from the restaurant and looked briefly at her sullen passenger before he exited the vehicle.

She got out as well, locking the car with a beep, and they made their way across the busy street to the diner. The door opened with a jingle and she went inside, scanning the restaurant for its owner. She caught his eye and waved.

Carlos Baca, Chewie to his friends, was a monster of a man. Over six and a half feet tall, with a huge beard and long hair pulled back into a ponytail. Rey was pretty confident that if anyone could keep her sullen Ben Solo in line, it was Chewie. Before she had time to correct the possessive nature of her own thoughts, the subject of them spoke.

“Who’s that?”

“He’s the owner. He served time in his 20’s. I’m sure he’d talk to you about it if you were interested. He likes providing work for people. He’s a good guy.”

Before he could respond, Chewie strolled over to them and pulled Rey into a bear hug. “How’s my favorite Rey of sunshine?”

Rey laughed against his burly chest before he released her. “Doing well, thanks.”

Chewie stuck out his hand to Kylo. “Name’s Carlos Baca, but you can call me Chewie. Nice to meet you.”

Rey watched as her parolee looked suspiciously down at the hand extended to him. He reluctantly took it, much to her relief. “Kylo.”

Chewie appraised him with an intelligent glint in his eyes, then looked over at Rey. “You sticking around, sunshine?”

She nodded.

“Alright, grab that booth over there in the corner. I’ll have someone bring you some coffee. This shouldn’t be too long.”

  
******

 

Kylo followed the giant of a man back into the office and took the offered seat. He had no idea what to expect from this interview and just wanted to get it over with so he could give his parole officer the bad news about having fucked up the first job interview he’d ever had.

“So, what were you in for?”

He decided to go for maximum shock value. “I stabbed my father and he bled out on the way to the hospital.”

The gruff man across from him didn’t react much. “On purpose?”

Kylo looked away before answering. “Yeah. I was sick of his shit.”

Chewie leaned forward over the desk. “How long were you in?”

He looked back at the older ex-con. “A little over ten years.”

“How old are you?”

“What’s up with all the questions?”

The older guy cocked his head at him, implying he was an idiot. “It’s an interview. That’s how they work.”

Kylo clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth together. “Twenty-nine.”

Chewie leaned back, crossed his arms across his chest and assessed him. “So, you killed an abusive parent in self defense, went into the joint as a kid, and spent your 20’s behind bars, probably fighting the whole time. I’d guess you probably never worked a job before getting convicted and don’t have any family. That about right?”

Kylo just nodded, infuriated that this stranger had managed to voice all of the things about himself that he hated.

Chewie nodded. “I have two rules. You don’t fight while you’re here, and you show up sober and on time. Think you can handle that?”

“Yeah.” Even though he didn’t, but there was no reason to let the other man know that.

“Dishwashing isn’t especially glamorous, but it will keep you busy and out of trouble.” Chewie stood up and gestured for Kylo to do the same. “Let’s go talk to your parole officer about your schedule. You can start tomorrow unless she has other things planned for you.”

 

******

 

Rey chewed on her pen in between sips of coffee while she tried to organize her schedule for next week. She had her phone out and her handy legal pad that she never went anywhere without, and was debating whether or not she could arrange one of her random surprise visits for Hux. The regular weekly visit she was intending today was a simple check in, devised to maintain contact with the parolee and keep him or her on a schedule. The random surprise visits on the other hand, were opportunities to catch parolees off guard. These visits involved thorough searches of the residence, additional questions and potential police action depending on what was found. They also required police escort and so she needed to make sure she gave the folks over at TPD a heads up. She was just about to dial the phone, when she heard the familiar voices of Chewie and Kylo and lifted her head in greeting instead.

Chewie slid into the booth opposite her, but Kylo opted to sit on the same side she was on. She hadn’t anticipated it, so she didn’t have time to adjust and make room for him. He ended up close enough that their thighs touched under the table and his arm brushed against her side when he moved. She caught the look Chewie gave her. That man never missed anything. She decided the best way to play it was to act like there was absolutely nothing wrong with having a six foot three gorgeous ex-con plastered up against her side.

“So, how’d it go?” She looked at Kylo and he just shrugged, then back at Chewie.

“He can start tomorrow, if that works for your schedule. Not sure what else you have planned for him.”

“I think that will work.” Tomorrow was Saturday and while Rey knew she was on 24/7 she deserved some time for herself and had plans for tomorrow morning. “What time? Is there anyone here who can offer a ride?”

Kylo glanced at her when she said that and she swore she could feel the rejection roll off him. She looked at him and, before she had time to think better of it, reached under the table and put her hand on his thigh, squeezing in what she meant to be a comforting gesture. His expression changed from annoyed to surprised, and the sudden heat in his gaze made her abruptly rethink her action. “I have a class Saturday mornings. Otherwise I would drive you.”

Chewie cleared his throat, and Rey looked across the table at him noticing how he was attempting to keep his expression impassive. “Nine o’clock. And I’ll pick him up.”

Rey glanced back at her parolee, a small blush rising on her cheeks, and removed her hand from Kylo’s leg. “Right. Thanks.”

Chewie smiled at her reassuringly, then turned his attention back to Kylo. “You get paid every Friday, minimum wage, regular shift is 9-6. Get with Rey if you need time off for other appointments. Days off are Wednesday and Sunday. Got it?”

“Yeah.”

Chewie looked at Rey. “You good, sunshine? You guys want some lunch before you take off?”

Rey looked at her phone. It was already 11:15 and she had to meet Hux at 12:00 for his weekly appointment. She wouldn’t have time to eat and drop Ben Solo off. “No I have a check-in at noon, not enough time.”

“Anyone I know?” Chewie asked. He was familiar with a lot of her parolees because she worked with him a lot for employment.

“Hux.”

Chewie frowned as he stood. “Nasty piece of work that one. You be careful.”

Rey smiled up at him. “Always am.”

He looked at her, and then at the man sitting beside her. “Hmmm.” He clapped Kylo on the back. “See you in the morning, kid.”

 

******

 

They drove in silence until Rey turned into the parking lot for his building. She parked the car, expecting him to jump out like he had the last time. When he didn’t, she turned her head to look at him, only to find him staring at her with an assessing gaze.

“Who’s Hux?” His deep voice was low and he seemed concerned, like he was trying to assess a threat.

Rey made a face, her lips pulling into a sneer. “He’s another parolee of mine. I can’t really tell you much without breaching privacy.”

He just stared at her until she gave in.

“Multiple counts of sexual assault and battery.” She swore she could hear his teeth grinding.

“You buy him a phone too?”

Irritated, Rey put on the emergency brake and put the car in neutral, then turned in the seat so she was facing him. “I got you a phone because you didn’t have one. I need to be able to reach you, and vice versa. It’s my job to help.”

He reached out with his arm, grabbing the back of her seat and leaned in towards her. She made a point of not backing away, refusing to let him intimidate her with his size. “So thigh grabbing is just part of the job description, then?” His voice carried a hint of annoyance and something else she wasn’t willing to identify.

Rey felt her face turn hot and knew her blush gave her away. “That was a mistake. It won’t happen again.” She kept eye contact with him, refusing to back down. He finally gave in and pushed away, getting out of the car. He slammed the door and walked into the building without saying anything else.

Rey put the car in gear and drove across town to her next appointment, cursing herself in her head the whole way.

By the time she reached the run down shack where Armitage Hux lived, Rey was in a horrible mood. She was furious with herself and pissed at Ben. Kylo. Ugh, whatever his name was! She knocked even more aggressively than usual on the door and frowned while she waited for Hux to open up. What on earth had prompted her to give a man convicted of killing his father a reassuring squeeze on the thigh? She was a complete idiot.

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite parole officer.” Armitage Hux had opened the door and she was pleased to notice he was fully dressed. Last time he had come to the door in a pair of boxers, claiming to have been napping. She’d told him to get dressed, waiting outside until he did so, and then had given him a lecture on the need to always be clothed when she came to visit. Clearly she didn’t respond to all half naked parolees the same. Although, had she known nothing about him, she might have conceded that Hux was attractive in his own way. Slender, with ginger hair and a nice face. Unfortunately he was a snake and a pervert and no amount of clothing could make up for that.

She raised an eyebrow at him as he continued to stand in the doorway. “Can I come in?”

He opened the door wider and Rey straightened her spine as she entered his lair. Weekly check-ins mostly required she confirm that he was going to work, making sure he hadn’t moved, checking the apartment for contraband, or, in Hux’s case, female kidnap victims. She also confirmed any new appointments that she might have set up for him.

“Can I offer you a drink, Miss Jakku?”

“No, thank you.” She remained standing while he sat. He offered her a beverage nearly every time and she refused because what kind of fool accepted a drink from a man who served time for sexual assault? The house he rented was a tiny square, with a small kitchen, a single bedroom and a bath, and a tiny living room. There was a dining table where Hux was seated, resting his chin in his hand, exuding an image of innocence. Unfortunately the swastika hanging on the wall made it easy to dismiss his expression as fake. He was a supporter of the Aryan nation and had made it clear to her on more than one occasion his feelings about the superiority of his race.

He gestured to another chair. “Have a seat, darling.”

She just gave him a look. “Your employer confirmed you’ve been showing up regularly but had mentioned you requested time off next Thursday. Plans I’m not aware of?”

He glared at her before schooling his features. “Just thought I deserved a break, Miss Jakku. You know, for good behavior and all that.”

“Right.” She moved on to the other procedural questions, trying to make quick work of her check-in. She went through the cupboards in his kitchen while he watched from his seat at the table. The man clearly had a thing for junk food, since half of his cabinets were full of sugar cereals and pop tarts. She slammed the doors and finished up her walkthrough quickly. The less time she spent in Hux’s proximity, the better.

Rey breathed a huge sigh of relief when she got back into her car. She definitely needed to schedule a surprise visit with him before next Thursday. She pulled out her phone and her legal pad and began to make notes when her other phone, her personal phone, rang. She checked the caller ID before she answered. “Hey, Finn. What’s up?”

“Hey, peanut. I just wanted to let you know that Rose and I are going out tonight, so I won’t be back until the morning. Figured I’d give you a heads up. Also, she made me a lasagne and there is enough in the fridge left for you if you want some for dinner.”

Rey smiled, looking forward to the lasagne. Rose, unlike Finn, was an excellent cook. “Aw, thanks love. You have a good night.”

“You too. See you tomorrow after your class.”

She disconnected the call and sighed with relief. She was looking forward to the alone time. After the day she’d had, all she wanted to do was go home, take a hot bath, have a glass of wine and try to forget the look in Ben Solo’s eyes when she’d stupidly grabbed his thigh.

 

******

 

Kylo lay on his back on the bed, fists pressed into his eyes, while a mantra of “stupid, stupid, stupid” went through his head.

Of course it didn’t mean anything. Of course it wouldn’t happen again. He was nothing, nobody. It was her job to pretend to care. He was just a worthless ex-con.

“Fuck!” he yelled and stood, ripping the blankets off his bed. Throwing them, he kicked over the chair, swept the items off the small table, the hotplate and the things she’d brought him that morning flying all over the room. He hadn’t felt this trapped since his first day in a cell. Only this cage was psychological and he couldn’t tell where it ended. He rubbed his hands over his face when he caught sight of the phone.

He leaned over and picked it up, releasing a puff of breath, blowing his hair out of his eyes. It was a trac phone, pay as you go, and there was a sticky note attached to it.

_I paid for 100 min. You can get more. Program my # (692) 555-9030 - Rey_

His hands hovered over the phone for a brief second before he caved. Like everything else in his life, he did what she said.

 

******

 

Kylo answered the door the following morning when his new boss came to pick him up. The older ex-con greeted him with a nod and the two men walked downstairs in silence. Kylo was surprised to see a cherry 1963 Ford Falcon in the parking lot and his surprise increased when Chewie opened the door and slid into the driver’s seat. Who knew some ex-convict who ran a piece of shit diner could have such a nice car? Kylo let himself into the passenger seat and shut the door with a satisfying thunk, sliding his hand across the inside of the door in appreciation.

The engine roared to life with a rumble and Chewie pulled out into the street. They drove a couple of blocks before his new boss broke the silence.

“You ready for this, kid?”

Kylo looked at the driver. “I think I can handle a few dishes.”

Chewie chuckled. “I’m sure you can. I meant being out of the joint. Think you can handle real life?”

Kylo pursed his lips and clenched his jaw, because he wasn’t entirely sure of the answer. He’d had a shit childhood, he knew that. Finished High School because he’d never actually had to do anything other than show up to pass his classes. He’d never held a job because what was the fucking point, really? He elected not to answer the question, turning to look out the window instead.

Chewie gave him the side-eye when he realized he wasn’t going to get an answer. “You got lucky with Rey.” Kylo’s gaze snapped back to the driver at the mention of his parole officer. Unaware of the intensity of his passenger’s gaze, Chewie kept talking. “She’s a great P.O.. Really wants her people to succeed. She seems to like you.”

Kylo narrowed his eyes. “She’s fucking paid to like me.”

Chewie just shook his head. “I’ve seen her with a lot of ex-cons. Gotta say, I’ve never seen her quite as protective as she is of you.”

Kylo turned away again. She’d bought him a phone. She’d grabbed his thigh like he hadn’t been without female touch in a decade. But none of that meant shit, right? He was a fucking killer. He didn’t need her protection or her soft hands or her goddamned special treatment when he flipped his lid and beat the shit out of a wall. He glanced sideways at Chewie and blew out his breath, knowing it was hopeless. Because one thing he’d always been good at was honesty, even if it was brutal at times, and he couldn’t lie to himself about the situation he found himself in.

He liked the idea of someone protecting him, watching out for him. Even if it was her fucking job.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A line is crossed. Kinda.

Rey grabbed her gym bag and zipped her hoodie after her class, not wanting to catch a chill in the brisk morning air. She waved her farewell to the instructor and a few of her fellow students and put her sunglasses on. She’d been going to the Krav Maga class since she began working as a parole officer, and it always left her feeling like she could accomplish anything. Not only was it a great method for self defense, but it also allowed her to release a lot of pent up frustration, something she desperately needed this morning.

She hadn’t slept well the night before, her thoughts racing and her imagination leading her down a variety of scenarios, some of which had her rethinking her own sanity. She wished she could blame the lasagne and the wine, but the fact was it was mostly her own behavior and the bottomless gaze of a certain parolee.

She left the gym and felt the distinct rumble in her stomach as she threw her gym bag into her trunk. She had hadn’t had any breakfast, having overslept due to the aforementioned racing thoughts. She chewed on her bottom lip before making a decision and got in the car.

Rey parked on the busy street and walked into the diner before she could think better of it. She was just checking up on him, in a professional capacity. And getting some breakfast while she was at it. She nodded at the hostess and took a seat in one of the vacant booths.

“What can I getcha, darling?” Maz was one of the full-time, non ex-con waitstaff at The Millenium Diner. She was a older woman, probably mid forties, and always seemed to know exactly what was on everyone’s mind. Rey was pretty sure she and Chewie had a thing going, but neither ever mentioned it.

“Coffee, please. And, um…” Rey perused the menu. “Pancakes with eggs and sausage.”

“Coming right up, darlin. You want to talk to Chewie?”

Rey smiled. “If he’s around, sure.”

Maz raised an eyebrow and smirked at Rey. “Wanna talk to Kylo?”

Rey blinked. “Uh…”

The older woman just grinned and took the menu. “Chewie spilled the beans about the thigh grabbing. How about I let them both know you’re here.”

Rey resisted the urge to bang her head into the table, feeling her face turn what was undoubtedly a lovely shade of red. This was a mistake. What did that make it, the fourth this week?

“You okay, sunshine?”

Rey looked up at Chewie, desperately trying to act nonchalant. “Fine, thanks. I worked out before I ate and now I’m hangry.” Chewie laughed and Rey decided she’d just do away with the pretense. She cleared her throat. “How’s he doing?”

The big man slid into the booth across from her, giving her a look. “Fine. He’s been here a little over an hour.” Rey didn’t miss the sarcasm in his voice. “You really that worried about him loosing his shit?”

“I—” She was interrupted by Maz bringing her a cup of coffee and a stack of food. “Thanks, Maz.”

The older woman nodded, then looked at Chewie. “You be nice.” Maz stalked off after that warning, and Chewie smiled to himself before turning back to Rey, who was poking her pancakes with a fork.

She could tell Chewie was debating on whether to talk or not, so she took pity on him. “Spit it out. I can handle it.”

“You know what you’re doing, sunshine?”

Rey took in the concerned look on the man’s face. “Not really.”

He grimaced. “You should talk to Phasma.”

“No.” Rey shook her head adamantly. “No way. I don’t want anyone at work—” She didn’t finish the thought, instead reaching out across the table in what later she’d probably describe as desperation, and grabbed Chewie’s forearm. “You promise me, Carlos Baca. You promise me, you won’t say a word.”

He assessed her for a minute before answering. “Okay Rey, we can play it like that for now.”

She released his arm and sat back in her seat, grateful for his confidence. He pointed a finger at her before he spoke again. “I see you grab any other parts of that boy, though, and all bets are off.” He winked at her as he stood up. “You eat. I’ll send him out here on his break.”

Rey mumbled a “thanks” under her breath and started shoveling food into her mouth.

She really did have terrible table manners. Finn always gave her such a hard time about how she ate, but she’d never told him why, and he’d never asked. She hadn’t really told anyone about her childhood. How she had been abandoned by her junkie parents and passed from foster home to foster home until she’d finally graduated high school and could get the hell away from it all. The whole time she’d known Finn, she’d never told him about growing up in the system and being treated like a paycheck by more than one foster family. Sometimes she hadn’t eaten for days at a time, especially during the two years she spent with the Plutts. So if she tended to go overboard when food was put in front of her, then so be it.

She pulled out her cell and started scrolling through her calendar for next week. She decided that she did have a reason to talk to Ben-Kylo. Apparently his name was permanently hyphenated in her thoughts. She’d never scheduled next week’s check-in, nor had she told him when the first court ordered counseling session was. Not to mention she needed to make sure he had a reliable way of getting to and from work. Rationalizing her presence at the Millenium Diner was actually pretty easy, now that she thought about it. She continued to shovel large forkfuls of pancakes and eggs into her mouth, and became so engrossed in scrolling the internet on her phone it took a minute to realize there was a tall, dark figure standing over her watching.

She swallowed her mouthful of sausage and looked up to see Mr. Hyphenated himself looking down his nose at her.

“Chewie said you needed to talk to me.”

She gestured for him to sit down. “We never confirmed your schedule for next week and I wanted to make sure the phone worked.”

“Okay.” He slid into the booth across from her and Rey felt a brush of his knees across hers as he settled into the booth, driving home once again how large he was. He gestured to her food. “You always eat like someone is going to snatch it out from under you?”

Rey blinked. “What?”

He just shrugged. “You must have been in the system at some point. It’s a foster kid thing.”

“How—” She searched his face, trying to understand how he’d known that. He met her gaze and for a minute they just looked at each other. Suddenly she had to ask, to see if there was something to what she was feeling. “Were you? In the system?”

He did that mouth thing again. “Yeah.”

They sat and continued to stare at each other until Rey snapped out of it. “So about your schedule.” She pulled out her phone and refocused, uncomfortable with the fact that he was privy to a piece of information about her that literally no one else in her life was. “We’ll have our weekly check-ins on Wednesday mornings. Your court ordered counseling is Wednesday afternoons for now. I can take you to those sessions after our check-ins until you get a bus pass or something.” She swiped through her schedule. “Next weekend we can start looking for more permanent housing.”

She glanced up to check to see if he was listening and got caught once more in his intense gaze. “You call me or text me if you have any questions, ok?”

“Sure.” He stood up, his knees ghosting against hers again. “We done? I need to get back to work.”

She nodded, grateful for his departure. “Yeah. I’ll see you Wednesday.”

  
******

  
By the time Wednesday morning came around Rey’s anxiety level was so high she felt like she was going to snap. She’d picked a fight with Finn and he’d spent two nights at Rose’s house. She hadn’t been sleeping and she was short with her coworkers. Poe had pulled her aside and asked what was going on, and Rey had been completely honest with him when she’d said she had no idea. He told her to take a break, but she’d just shaken her head and promised to snap out of it. She was frustrated and tense when she knocked on Kylo’s door at 7:30 Wednesday morning.

She heard him rustling around inside the apartment and resisted the urge to tap her feet, choosing to bite her nails instead. She needed coffee, or a nap. She had gone running at five am, had been up since before then, and just couldn’t seem to calm down. Her thoughts had been rolling around in her head like a thunderstorm ever since her ill advised breakfast at the diner Saturday morning. The realization that she may have found a kindred spirit in a patricidal ex-con was more than marginally disturbing. But even though he seemed like an unlikely individual for her to relate to, relate she did. Obviously.

It was impossible to tell if her anxiety stemmed from the fact that she could relate to him or to the fact that ever since she’d spoken with him on Saturday she hadn’t been able to get over her need to see him again. Which explained why she was standing outside his apartment three hours early to their appointment. She was considering running away when he opened the door.

His looked down at her, mild surprise on his sleepy face. He backed away and gestured for her to come in without words, which she did. She put her purse down on the table and sat on the couch, crossed her legs, and started swinging her foot impatiently. Neither one of them had said a thing and Rey kept chewing on her nails while she looked at him, her gaze moving rapidly over his form as though she was trying to find the thing about him that tugged on the depths of her soul.

He hadn’t moved much. He stood just inside the door and was tracking her with his eyes in return. Roving down to where she chewed on her thumbnail, down to her swinging leg, and then back up to catch her gaze. She pulled her hand away from her mouth and put her hands in her lap, but couldn’t seem to stop fidgeting.

Kylo moved towards her, not breaking eye contact, until he was close enough that his legs touched hers. He squatted down in front of her and grabbed the top of her foot, halting the agitated swinging. She relaxed slightly and took a shuddering breath. The intensity of his gaze didn’t waiver, pinning her in place, and his grip on her foot loosened slightly. He continued to stare at her as he started rubbing slow circles around the bone of her ankle with his thumb.

They sat like that, in silence, for a good five minutes. Looking at each other, the rough calloused pad of his thumb moving slowly over her flesh, giving her the shivers. Her breathing had slowed and Rey had relaxed significantly since her arrival. She wasn’t even bothered by the fact that the source of her anxiety also seemed to be the cure. Kylo seemed to realize that whatever was going on with her had passed, because he abruptly stood and walked toward the bathroom, a sleepy “I’ll be out in a minute” thrown over his shoulder.

Rey registered somewhere in the back of her brain that she should be utterly horrified by what had just transpired, but instead she leaned back and closed her eyes, more relaxed now than she’d been in days.

 

******

 

Kylo grabbed the edges of the sink while he let the water run and looked at himself in the mirror. His parole officer had been on the verge of a full-blown panic attack when she’d shown up. Almost three hours early, for the record.

And now she wasn’t.

He didn’t know what he found more surprising, the fact that he’d been inclined to comfort her or the fact that it had worked.

Why was she here so early?

There was no denying at this point that there was something between them. He may have been in prison for the last decade but that didn’t make him an idiot. He could tell she was drawn to him, against her better judgement, it seemed. And he felt lighter around her, like he wasn’t just a vessel for inflicting violence and receiving pain.

It was fucking stupid, is what it was. He splashed cold water on his face and turned away from his reflection.

He walked back into the tiny living room and stopped dead in his tracks to see that Rey had fallen asleep on his couch. He ran his fingers through his hair and for a minute was at a complete loss. He made a decision and glanced at her purse. He rifled through it, pulling out her phones and notepad, until he found her wallet, grabbed a twenty out of it, slid his key into his pocket and left, locking the door behind him.

 

******

 

Rey woke up to the sounds of a key turning in a lock. She was completely disoriented and she sat up, trying to get her bearings when the door opened and Kylo walked in, a brown paper bag in one hand and two styrofoam coffee cups in the other. He kicked the door shut with his foot.

Rey sat up and felt heat rise to her cheeks. He didn’t say anything, just walked over to her, put the bag on the small table next to her purse, and offered her one of the cups.

“Listen,” she started, taking the cup. “I owe you an apology.”

He shook his head and sat down in the chair across from her, dwarfing it with his size. “No you don’t.”

“I do, though.” She took a sip of the coffee in an effort to fortify herself for what she was about to say and was surprised to find the beverage was exactly how she liked it; cream, no sugar. “That wasn’t appropriate.” She gestured vaguely around avoiding eye contact. “This...isn’t appropriate.”

“I’m pretty sure there isn’t a single thing about our relationship at this point that is appropriate, Rey.” It wasn’t lost on her that he didn’t use his favorite nickname for her. And that was probably the longest sentence she’d heard him utter. He drank from his cup too, turning to place it on the table. “Don’t be afraid.” He murmured, pausing his movements, before looking back at her. “I feel it too.”

He pulled a couple of muffins out of the bag, followed by some breakfast sandwiches, leaving her to absorb what he had just said and what those words implied. That there was something between them. That they both felt whatever this was. She watched his movements, oddly graceful given how large he was. You’d think he would be clumsy or brutish, but his movements were refined, like he knew he took up too much space and didn’t want to, so he moved as efficiently as possible. Rey sipped her coffee and watched him while he set out their breakfast.

She felt the need to break the tension in the room. “Where did you get this stuff?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on two legs of the chair. “I stole twenty dollars out of your purse.”

She choked.

  
******

 

Rey sat on the sofa in her pajamas, reviewing her schedule for the next few days and checking her email when she heard the tell tale sounds of her roommate opening the door. She quickly threw her work down on the couch cushion and ran into the kitchen to grab the pizza box. Careful not to drop it, she slid out into the entryway of the condo in her socks and opened up the box so Finn was presented with an extra large pepperoni pizza that spelled out “I’m sorry” in pepperoni.

She was relieved when Finn’s soft chuckle rang through the entry way. She heard him put his stuff down before he spoke. “Feeling guilty?”

She poked her head out from behind the pizza box with a remorseful smile on her face. “I’ve been a horrible roommate this week.”

Finn walked over to her and hugged her awkwardly, trying not to knock the apologetic pepperoni on the floor. “It’s fine, really.” He looked at her with concern. “You ready to talk about it?”

Rey’s smile faltered, and she moved out of his semi-embrace, closing the pizza box up. “Just work stuff. It’s not important.” She walked over into the kitchen and put the pizza on the counter. “A case got to me this week, but it’s mostly resolved.” She couldn’t keep her inner voice from screaming “bullshit.” She opened the fridge in an effort to avoid eye contact with Finn. “Do you want a beer?”

Finn grabbed a piece of pizza from the box and threw himself on the couch. “Hell yeah.” Rey grabbed two beers and a plate, then helped herself to a slice before joining him on the sofa. He accepted the beverage from her hands, putting his legs on the coffee table and settling in. “So what’s the case about. Is this one of your newbies?”

Rey put down her own beer and pizza, and quickly shuffled her work stuff back into her bag before picking up the food again. She really had no desire to talk to Finn about Kylo. Not only did she feel like Finn would be incredibly judgmental about it, but a part of her wanted to keep Kylo all to herself, which was in and of itself concerning.

She took a bite of pizza, ignoring his question, and chewed for a minute before changing the subject. “How’s Rose? What did you guys do?”

Finn gave her a look to let he know he wasn’t going to let her get away with avoiding his question forever before he answered. “We had a nice dinner out, went to a movie, and had lots of dirty sex.”

For the second time that day, Rey choked. “TMI, Finn.”

He just snickered and shoved half a slice of pizza into his mouth in a lascivious manner. Rey shook her head at him and then leaned over to grab her phone out of her purse since it had buzzed, notifying her that she’d gotten a text.

_You doin okay Rey-J?_

Rey swallowed her pizza, her hands hovering over the text. She felt Finn staring at her so she shot off a quick reply.

_Yes. I didn’t thank you._

_Don’t. I’ll cash in the debt eventually._

Finn peered over her shoulder, and she snatched the phone to her chest before he could read it. “Did you get a boyfriend while I was gone? A cute boyfriend?”

Rey laughed uncomfortably, annoyed that her heart rate had kicked up at the idea of her raven-haired parolee being defined as her boyfriend. “No, this is a work thing.”  
  
Finn looked at her for a minute, and then busted out laughing, startling the hell out of her. “Right. On your personal cell?” He gestured to the phone in her hand with his beer. “Cool story, bro.” He rolled his eyes at her, then leaned over the coffee table to grab the remote so could turn on the TV. Rey looked down at the phone in her hand. Finn was right. Ben Solo had texted her on her personal cell phone.

She was dumbfounded. How had that happened? She never gave this number out. Ever. The only people who had it were Finn, Phasma, and the men she’d already slept with. Did she accidentally give it to him? Did she write the wrong number on the post it? She was oddly...unfazed by the fact that this particular ex-con had her personal cell number. But how did he get it? Only one way to find out.

_How’d you get this number?_

_Ex-con. Morally corrupt._

Rey chewed her bottom lip. Was he _flirting_? He said he’d gone through her purse and stolen twenty dollars. What else did he take?

_So you stole it._

  
******

 

Kylo was sitting on the floor, legs folded in front of him with his elbows on his knees, holding the phone reading the texts from Rey. He’d been working out and had suddenly wanted to know if she was okay.

He’d pulled out the trac phone and started drafting a message when he remembered she had two phones, and the phone number programmed into the trac phone was for her parolees. That had to be her work phone, and he would bet all the money he had that the work phone was monitored. That some IT nerd somewhere could pull all the information off it without her permission at any time. He didn’t relish the idea of sharing her with IT. So instead he sent the text to her personal cell. He’d taken a minute to pull the number off her phone when he’d rifled through her purse earlier that morning.

_So you stole it._

He couldn’t tell if she was annoyed or just stating the obvious. Maybe this had been a mistake.

_A mistake._

He dropped the phone and went back to doing sit-ups. His thoughts swirling violently, reminding him that he was a criminal. A monster. And that’s all he’d ever be. Hearing his father’s voice in his head, telling him he’s no one. A voice that was drowned out by the buzz of a text. He grabbed the phone and opened the message with shaky fingers.

_No. A surprise._

_Unwelcome?_ He waited, holding his breath, needing to know.

_No._

He exhaled and collapsed back on the floor.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey tries to reign it in.

Over the next month Rey’s meetings with Ben “Kylo” Solo were almost normal, from a professional point of view at least. No inappropriate physical contact, no talk about feelings that may or may not exist, and no more late night texts.

She was actually kind of upset about all of that, but refused to acknowledge it even a little bit.

They’d found a rundown studio for him to rent which was within walking distance from the diner. Or at least he said it was. She wasn’t sure she’d want to walk 5 miles one way to her job, but then again he wasn’t required to wear heels. He’d been going to all his court-ordered appointments and in general didn’t actually require half the attention she was giving him from a purely professional standpoint. Under normal circumstances, she’d devote at most three hours a week to him, including paperwork. The fact that he occupied her mind for easily that long each day was really nobody’s business.

But it explained why, when Phasma popped in to check on her, she was half expecting an intervention.

“How’s our little Rey of sunshine feeling?”

Rey looked up just long enough to flip Phasma off and returned to her computer.

Phasma sat down and propped her Jimmy Chu’s on Rey’s desk. Rey never really understood why the six-foot blond insisted on wearing three-inch heels, but to each their own. She looked sideways at her visitor.

“You’ve been on edge for weeks, Rey. Spill it.”

Rey finished up the last part of her intake notes for a new parolee she’d been assigned last week and turned in her swivel chair to look at her friend. The blonde’s eyebrows went up and she crossed her arms over her chest, happy to wait Rey out. Knowing Phasma, she was capable of sitting here all day until Rey caved.

“Off the record? Like, friend to friend, not work.”

Phasma leaned back in her chair and shut Rey’s door. “Pinkie swear.”

Rey leaned her chin on her cupped hands, figuring out the best way to start. “Have you ever had a case that was just a little to close to home?”

Phasma regarded her curiously. “Like someone you know, or knew?”

Rey shook her head. “No, more like...someone it’s hard to keep at arms length.”

Phasma sighed. “Yeah, those suck.”

Rey straightened her spine, surprised by the woman’s response. “Really?”

Phasma nodded. “We work with people every day and sometimes you just get a case that tugs at your heartstrings more than usual. You find out they have a son the same age as your nephew, or they wanted to grow up to be a ballerina just like your best friend.” Phasma smiled sadly at Rey. “We wouldn’t do this if we didn’t want to help people, and sometimes the compassion just breaks you down a bit, you know?” She laughed. “One time, I bought a parolee and her daughter two theatre tickets to see Cats. I blew like $200 on them because she had never been able to afford to take her little girl before and she’d spent 8 months getting full custody back.”

Rey chewed on her lip. Those scenarios didn’t exactly match whatever was going on with her and Mr. Solo. “So, buying someone a prepaid cell phone probably isn’t the end of the world.”

Phasma grinned. “Not even close.” Her expression faded. “Those cases are the hardest to see go south, though. So just...be prepared for the worst, ok?”

“Thanks Phas.”

Phasma pulled her feet of the desk with a thunk. “No problem, new girl.”

 

******

 

It was Wednesday, and Rey was stalling. She always seemed to show up early to her meetings with Ben. It was 9:30 and she was sitting in the car drinking a latte while she waited for 10:00 to role around. She had her surprise check in with Hux at 11:30 so she wouldn’t be able to linger. Hux had been acting off for a few weeks, and she really needed to do a thorough visit to make sure there wasn’t anything going on that needed to be reported. He’d been going to his job site, had been attending his court-ordered therapy, registered as a sex offender, all the things he needed to be doing. But still, she got a vibe from him like he was up to something and she didn’t like it.

Her phone buzzed.

_Just come in, Rey._

She looked across the street and saw him leaning up against the side of the house. She threw her phone back in her purse, grabbed her coffee, and got out of the car. He watched her walk across the street towards him, pushing himself off the wall to stand up when she got close enough to go inside.

The studio he’d been in for two weeks was actually a converted garage. Open floor plan, with a tiny shower and water closet and a single counter with a fridge and a gas stove. He hadn’t done much to it except get a mattress and an old Formica table and chair set that would have looked at home in Donna Reed’s kitchen.

“I’m early. Sorry.” She pulled out her notebook.

“You’re always early.” He sat down at the table opposite her.

Rey allowed her eyes to wander over him briefly. “How’s work?”

He crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Fine.”

“You’ve been going to your sessions regularly. I checked. Are they helping?”

He didn’t answer. She looked up at him, then back down to her notes as the censure in his gaze made her uncomfortable. “You covering rent okay?”

He remained quiet and she looked up at him again. “You’re making this difficult.”

“I won’t participate in your self deception,” he spit out, disgust coloring his tone.

She gripped her pen tighter, not liking the direction of this conversation. “My what?”

He shifted in his chair. “Whatever lies you tell yourself about me.”

Rey threw the pen and notebook down and glared at him. “What the hell are you talking about?”

He reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling it towards him, and she felt some of her annoyance dissipate at his touch. Which resulted in it surging again, only it was more self-directed. She still didn’t like where this conversation was going. She thought they had an understanding that neither of them would bring this up. Didn’t he know how impossible this conversation was for her? Apparently he didn’t, because he continued.

“The stories you tell yourself. We both know the truth.”

Rey was nothing if not stubborn. “What truth?”

He was drawing patterns on the underside of her wrist, and his gaze was trapping her like an animal. “About what really goes on here.” He reached over with his other hand and grabbed the leg of the chair, pulling it and her closer to him. She was trapped between his legs, trapped between their chairs, and a part of her brain was screaming for her to get closer.

He interlaced his fingers with hers and she watched, fascinated by how his much larger hand engulfed her smaller one. “Say it.”

She shook her head, denying him. “Why did you kill your father?”

He broke eye contact and turned his head to look at their clasped hands, the only indication he might be uncomfortable. He brought her knuckles to his lips before answering, his voice whispering over them with each word. “He beat me, ignored me, belittled me.” He rested his head on their hands and looked at her and she felt a tear run down her cheek.

She quickly wiped it off with the back of her free hand. She felt another tear threaten, but he lifted his head, reached up his other hand to cup her cheek, and caught it before it fell. “Say it, Rey,” he whispered. “Please.”

She knew what he wanted. He wanted her to acknowledge that she felt their connection. That their time together wasn’t just about him being on parole and her being his Parole Officer. He wanted her to tell him he meant something to her. That’s what he was begging to hear. That he mattered to her. She knew it. She knew it, and she still couldn’t give him what he wanted. She was terrified of acknowledging any of it out loud.

She shook her head as another tear threatened to fall. “I can’t.” She felt his hand tighten briefly on her jaw before he released her entirely, pushing himself away from her.

“Please don’t do this.” She searched his face, trying to make him understand. “I could lose my job. I - I like my job. It’s important to me.”

He was working his jaw, just staring at her. He broke eye contact and looked around the room. “How would they know?”

“What?”

His gaze came back to settle on her. “There’s no one here. It’s just us.”

And that was exactly what she was afraid of. “I—”

Rey shook her head again and wiped her eyes, then took a deep breath, stealing herself for what she was about to do. She pushed all of her emotions down, like she had so many times before as a child when foster families and everyone who was supposed to care for her made it impossible for her to be safe with her feelings. This was impossible. Whatever this was between them was inappropriate, against the rules and impossible. She schooled her features, then stood, picking up her notebook and purse.

She looked down at him. “I have to go.” Her actions belied her words, though, because she was pinned to the spot.

He looked up at her, and she saw his anger and underneath that his hurt. It was just them, a part of her brain screamed at her. But she couldn’t do what he was asking, so she forced herself to move and walked out of his house and back to her car where she sat down and pulled her phone out to check the time. It was only 10:10. She had over an hour before she had to be anywhere. She threw the phone on the passenger seat and, not caring who saw, burst into tears. She just hoped an hour would be enough to get it all out.

 

******

 

Kylo kicked the chair she’d been sitting in across the room before standing up and shoving the table over in frustration. He stood there, panting. To think he had believed she would chose him, that she’d bend her ideas about right and wrong for him. It was foolish, and even though he recognized why she’d made her choice, he hated it.

Some days he thought he would be better off going back to prison instead of trying to navigate the nonsense that was the outside. Today was definitely one of those days.

  
******

 

The random check-in with Hux was completely uneventful, except for the sly smile the man had on his face the whole time and the disgust she felt being in his presence.

The officer she brought did a thorough job and she questioned him on all the information she’d been compiling over the course of the last few weeks. Work schedules, counseling appointments, a court appearance. It had been his mother’s birthday two weeks ago, so she asked him about that and if he had seen her. She basically grilled him for information, looking for something, anything, she could catch him on. But he appeared to be as clean as a whistle.

The officer just shook his head when she looked at him and she sighed.

Hux grinned at her, “You be careful, now, Miss Jakku. Wouldn’t want anything to happen to my favorite parole officer.”

Rey glared at him. “Is that a threat, Mr. Hux?”

He just smirked.

“You threaten me again, and I’ll make sure to tell your cell mate you like little boys.” She looked over her shoulder at the cop, who was now standing with a smile on his face. “Let’s go, officer.”

“See you around, Miss Jakku.”

Rey closed the door to the hovel and shuddered. The officer tipped his hat to her before moving to his patrol car and Rey walked back to hers. She threw her stuff in the passenger’s seat and started her car when her office phone rang.

“This is Rey.”

“Hiya. You got a minute?” It was Poe and he didn’t sound like his usual sunny self.

“Yeah, everything okay?”

“I just got a call from a…” He paused, like was reading something. “A Kylo? Says he’s a parolee of yours, but I don’t see anyone by that name in your caseload.”

Rey felt a pit form in her stomach, making her glad she hadn’t eaten yet. “That’s Ben Solo. Is something wrong?”

“You tell me.”

“Uh—” Rey floundered.

“He’s requesting a new P.O.”

Rey’s breath stuck in her throat, but she still managed to choke out her response. “Did he say why?”

“Said you’d know.” There was a pause. “I don’t generally reassign caseloads, Rey. People don’t usually ask, either. Did something happen? Did he do something?” Poe’s voice was full of concern.

“No,” Rey growled, finding herself wanting to jump to Kylo’s defense. “He hasn’t.”

“Then I’m denying his request.” Poe paused again. “You want to tell me why he’s asking for the change?”

Rey did not want to tell him that at all, actually, so she settled for a half truth. “I made him angry.”

There was a beat. “How angry?”

“Angry enough to call you.”

“He’s a violent offender, Rey. Do I need to put a uniform on him for a few weeks?”

The thought of Kylo being put under surveillance because she had refused to say there was more to their relationship than just parole officer and parolee left a bitter taste in her mouth. “No, that’s completely unnecessary. It’s fine, Poe. I can handle myself.”

“You let me know the minute you change your mind.”

Rey ended the call. Not likely, Mr. Dameron.

  
******

 

Rey was in bed, trying to sleep. Her thoughts were racing and no matter what she did they would not turn off.

She kicked the comforter off her in frustration. She kicked her feet once more for extra measure, realizing she was throwing a temper tantrum like a teenager and not caring. She rolled over onto her side and picked up her phone.

_You can’t just request a new P.O. Your request was denied, btw._

She huffed and threw the phone back onto her nightstand. Now maybe she could get some sleep. She closed her eyes and burrowed her head into the pillow when her phone vibrated. She reached over and opened the notification to read his response.

_Poor me._

Rey was about to write a snarky text back when another one popped up on her screen.

_Poor you._

Well that didn’t go the way she thought it would. Poor her, indeed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone loses their pants.

Her next meeting with Ben-Kylo-him was shaping up to be a disaster. It was raining, hard. The fall weather having suddenly decided to show up full force. She had parked her car across the street again out of habit. She was running late, having had a court appointment earlier that morning, so she ran across the wet road, getting soaked to the skin in the thirty seconds it took to make her way to his door.

She knocked on the door, expecting it to open at any moment. When it didn’t, she huffed in irritation and knocked again, louder this time. Still no answer. Her irritation was quickly being replaced by concern. She pounded on the door with her fist, hoping the sound of the storm was impeding his ability to hear, or that he was in the shower.

Rey abruptly stopped her train of thought and banged on the door with both hands. “Kylo! Open the door!”

Nothing.

“Fuck.” She pulled her phone out of her purse, which at this point probably had an inch of standing water in the bottom of it, and texted him.

_Where are you?_

She wiped the rain off her face and willed him to respond to her a text, a part of her panicking about what she would do if he didn’t show up for his appointment. It was suddenly imperative that he not be in violation of his parole. If he failed to be available for their regular meeting she’d have to file a report, call it in, notify someone. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to do that. Before she could spend more time pondering that horrifying piece of information, her phone buzzed.

 _Drowning_.

Did that mean he was out in this weather? The cold rain started to run in rivulets down her neck and into her shirt collar, chilling her to the bone. What was he doing wandering around in a rain storm? Her stomach filled with dread at the thought of having to call a uniform to pick him up. The sensation was akin to swallowing rocks, and she felt the beginning of a full blown panic attack coming on. She started sending texts rapid fire.

_You have to be here. Do you understand? I can’t cover for you!_

She was in the middle of typing another panicked line when his response came through.

_Relax._

She blinked at the phone.

_Relax!?_

“Or not.”

Rey looked up at the sound of his voice and abruptly lost the ability to think. He was as wet as she was, only he’d obviously been even less prepared for the weather than her. All he was wearing was a now completely see through white tank top and a pair of blue jeans that looked like they’d been painted on. It was obscene, and she literally couldn’t look away.

His eyes ran over her. “You look like a drowned rat.”

Suddenly her voice worked again. “Gee, thanks.”

He unlocked the door and pushed inside. Rey followed quickly, trying not to drip everywhere. He continued to the bathroom, and Rey watched, holding herself rigid in an effort not to shiver, as he pulled out a few towels. He returned to where she stood, still just inside the door, and handed her one.

“Th-thank you.” Her teeth were chattering and she realized how cold she was now that the panic about the possibility of seeing him arrested had passed. Her fingers felt numb and the cold water dripping off her hair gave her the shivers.

He took a towel to his own wet locks, and wiped down his arms, while Rey tried to wring the dampness out of her hair without getting any of the water on her skin. He looked at her, a frown forming on his lips. “You need to get out of those clothes.”

She froze. “W-what?”

He draped his towel over the back of one of the chairs and walked towards her, pulling her towel out of her hands and placing it on top of his. He stepped behind her and started peeling her blazer off. She didn’t fight him, realizing the wisdom of his words. If she didn’t get into something dry soon, she’d probably catch pneumonia. Her shivers had become bone deep and her fingers literally weren’t cooperating. He freed her arms from the sodden jacket and dropped it on the floor with a wet thud.

“Lose the shirt.”

She turned her head to look over her shoulder while she tried unsuccessfully to unbutton her blouse. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

She felt his wet hair drip on her neck before his hot breath whispered in her ear. “Absolutely.” She shivered again and this time she was fairly certain it wasn’t from the cold.

Her numb hands weren’t working and the buttons were wet and the fabric was stiff and there was no way she was going to get the blasted shirt off on her own. She swallowed her pride. “I need help with the buttons.”

Kylo came around to stand in front of her. He took one look at her hands, bone white from lack of circulation, then up at her face. She gave a tiny nod, and his eyes moved down to her chest, where his deft fingers began working on the tiny buttons. Rey felt her body temperature rise as his knuckles whispered over her skin. He stepped closer to her after opening the first button, revealing the top of her bra. She felt his hot breath on her wet skin and resisted the urge to grab onto his forearms for support. His eyes were focused on his task and Rey took the opportunity to look at his face. She barely managed to refrain from brushing the lock of hair that had fallen over his eyes aside.

He was careful not to touch her, and she found his restraint both reassuring and infuriating. He tugged the shirt out of her pants and unclasped the last two buttons. Then, without saying a word, he took her hands in his, one at a time, to undo the button at her cuffs. He rubbed them briskly with his warm hands before releasing them, trying to get her circulation back. Moving behind her, he once again provided assistance by peeling her out of her shirt, tugging the wet fabric down her arms and adding the blouse to the pile.

He stepped back, and she heard another item fall into the pile of wet laundry. “Take off your pants. I’m going to run you a shower.”

She started to work on the buttons of her pants, her numb fingers significantly warmer now that she was blushing from the roots of her hair to her toes. She saw him, now shirtless, walk towards the bathroom. “What about you?” She called out while she stepped out of her dress slacks and reached for the towel. She looked up at him and was caught in his gaze. The look of raw desire on his face had her suddenly very aware of the fact that she was in her bra and panties.

“I’m not cold.”

 

******

 

Rey had hopped in the shower as soon as he’d come back out of the bathroom after turning it on. The image of her standing nearly naked in his living room would haunt his dreams for longer than he’d like. Her simple pink bra had made it abundantly clear how hard her nipples were. Whether it was from the cold or from the experience of him stripping her of her shirt he’d probably never know. Her smooth stomach and perfect ass were covered by matching pink panties with a little bow on the front. And now she was completely naked in his bathroom and the door wasn’t even fully closed. Either she trusted him way more than she was willing to admit or she was a fucking idiot.

He peeled himself out of his wet jeans, grateful for the protection they’d offered him while he had stripped Rey of her clothes. Nothing like wet denim to prohibit a hard on. He pulled off his boxers next, throwing all of the clothes in the same pile by the door. He had a single pair of sweats that he decided would be best used on him, so he dried himself off and stepped into them. He wasn’t sure what to offer Rey other than one of his shirts. He was so much bigger than her that it might work. He dug through his limited clean clothes and found a sweatshirt for her, debating briefly if he should provide her a pair of boxers. He opted for no, because where was the fun in that?

Kylo walked into his kitchen and put some water on to boil. He had some instant coffee and some cream that he sniffed to make sure it hadn’t gone bad. Hardly fine dining, but under the circumstances it was better than nothing. Until they figured out how to get her in dry clothes, they had nothing but time. He picked up the pile of wet things and separated his stuff from hers. His clothes he threw into the dirty laundry and hers he attempted to wring out over the sink, before throwing up his hands up in disgust. He ended up draping them over the backs of two of the dining table chairs instead, but he wasn’t optimistic. They’d never get dry in here.

He heard the tell tale screech of his shower turning off. “Kylo?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you have a hair dryer?”

He looked at the bathroom door like the woman inside it had lost her mind. “No.”

“Just checking,” she grumbled.

Kylo grabbed the oversized sweatshirt he’d found and thrust it into the bathroom. He felt Rey grab it and mumble a thank you before releasing his grip on it. The whistle on the kettle started to squawk and he turned around to finish making the coffee. He set a cup on the table for her, then sat down and eyed the bathroom door, waiting for her to appear.

Rey walked out of the bathroom wearing his clothes and for the first time in years Kylo felt something he could have described as regret. Never before this point had his decisions led him to want something he was fairly certain he could never have. She walked towards him shyly, her hands fiddling with her still damp hair, and he was incredibly aware of the fact that she had absolutely nothing on under his sweatshirt.

She sat at the table, carefully folding her legs under her, and the reached for the mug and paused. She looked at the coffee and he watched her expression twist. “They tell us never to accept food or drink from parolees during home visits.”

His gut clenched with the reminder of their circumstances, the regret suddenly sharp as a knife, and Kylo’s mood turned. She was bringing this up now? After he’d helped strip her of her clothes with her consent, let her take a shower, and dressed her in his things without once touching where he shouldn’t? Without looking where he shouldn’t? His frustration grew into genuine anger. This woman who refused to admit to the very real circumstances of their relationship, refused to acknowledge the power she held over him, had the gall to then refuse _a fucking cup of coffee_ because it was against the rules?

“You know,” She looked at him and he leaned towards her, lowering his voice. “I could take whatever I want.” He swept his predatory gaze over her, focusing on where the grey material of his shirt met bare skin. He licked his bottom lip and pulled it into his mouth with his teeth while he let his mind wander. He imagined her arms held behind her back, one large hand encircling her wrists, bare ass on his table, legs spread and exposed. He pushed the image aside and looked back up into her face. “I wouldn’t need to drug your coffee to do it.”

She was flushed and glaring at him. He hoped he had scared the hell out of her, but she seemed more angry than scared.

“You wouldn’t,” she bit out. Definitely more angry than scared.

He leaned back in his chair and whispered softly, “How do you know?” He wanted to hear her say it. He’d tried to get her to confess to this thing between them before and she had stubbornly refused. He wasn’t above twisting this situation to his advantage if it meant she’d finally concede.

She defiantly brought her coffee cup to her lips and took a sip, remaining silent.

  
******

 

Rey had stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself before asking Kylo if he had a hair dryer. His response hadn’t surprised her, but she didn’t relish the idea of putting her cold, wet underwear back on now that she was nice and warm.

She was debating how inappropriate it would be to hang them over his shower rod and walk out in just a towel when a large hand shoved some clothes at her. She grabbed them and mumbled a thanks, coloring slightly when she realized she’d forgotten to actually close the bathroom door before stripping completely down and getting under the hot water.

She pulled the sweatshirt on, grimacing when she realized he’d only given her the one article of clothing. She eyed the wet pink underclothes and dismissed the idea of putting them on again. Why didn’t he give her some bottoms? Would it have been more awkward or less if he’d provided her a pair of his boxers? She really didn’t want to think about the possible ways someone could misinterpret sharing underwear. Resigned to being pantless, she raised her arms above her head to test the length of her new outfit and was pleased to say that even with her hands over her head the sweatshirt fell past the curve of her butt. She’d be just as covered wearing a sun dress, although she generally didn’t go commando.

She quickly flung her wet underthings over his shower curtain rod and left the bathroom, turning off the light.

He was sitting in a chair, waiting for her to come out and she was suddenly self conscious. Her earlier bravado regarding her current state of undress was undermined by the heat of his gaze as she approached the dining table and took a seat across from him, carefully tucking her legs under her so as not to flash him.

She reached for the coffee cup and paused, suddenly acutely aware of how completely bizarre this whole situation was. She was sitting with a half naked parolee, herself barely clothed, about to drink a cup of coffee that the aforementioned parolee had prepared for her after helping to remove her clothing. Her underwear and bra were hanging in his bathroom, and not only was she completely comfortable, but she was actually enjoying the intimacy of the setting. She frowned at her mug.

“They tell us never to accept food or drink from parolees during home visits.”

She hadn’t meant anything by it. It was more an observation than anything else. But she could feel his mood shift. He’d obviously misunderstood, and then he’d leaned in and threatened her with that nonsense and it had infuriated her. Didn’t he understand how completely compromised she already was? If this had been any other parolee, _any other_ , including Mrs. Sorensen who was two years shy of being sixty five and had arthritis so bad she could barely hold a coffee cup, she’d be shivering to death in her wet clothes while frantically figuring out a way to reschedule the appointment.

But no, with him she’d accepted his offer of dryness and warmth without hesitation and was sitting here in his clothes, completely unafraid. Even after he said that.

She knew it was an empty threat, but how dare he try to convince her otherwise? “You wouldn’t.”

“How do you know?”

She refused to play this game with him so she took a sip of coffee, daring him to say anything else. They sat in silence for a few minutes while she relished her victory. He continued to stare at her, but his anger seemed to dissipate the longer she held her tongue, and she found herself relaxing back into the comfortable silence.

Her eyes roamed around his living space. Even though she’d been in this studio a handful of times, she’d never really allowed herself to take it all in. It was almost completely bare and utilitarian. There was nothing visible to express or showcase his personality. The cups they were drinking from she actually helped purchase before he’d moved in, and as far as she remembered he hadn’t really even offered an opinion on them, just agreed that he needed some dishes and moved on from there.

She gestured at the pile of wet clothes hanging off the backs of the chairs across from her. “I really do not want to have to put those back on.” He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t imagine you have a dryer I don’t know about?”

He just shook his head. “You can take the shirt.” He finished his coffee and stood, walking to the kitchen to put the cup in the sink. Rey watched him, twisting in her chair to follow his movements. He was still naked from the waist up and her eyes roamed over the expanse of his back. He had so many scars. She frowned, thinking about his confession when she’d asked him about the crime he’d committed to get thrown in prison.

He looked at her over the bar that separated the galley kitchen from the living area. “Are you going to keep staring or are you going to ask me about them?”

She had stopped being surprised when he seemed to know her thoughts. “They bother me.”

He stiffened. “Apologies. I’ll put on a shirt.”

She waved her hand, dismissing his concern. Sometimes his pride really annoyed her. “No, not like that.”

He raised his eyebrows at her, a silent signal prompting her for more information. She debated whether or not to elaborate. “They bother me because I don’t like the idea of someone hurting you.” She turned back around, uncomfortable with her confession, and fiddled with the handle on her cup.

“It was a long time ago.” She heard him approach and felt his warmth at her back. He reached his arm over her shoulder to pick up her empty cup.

She tilted her head back and looked up at him, taking in the sight of him upside down, hovering over her. For a brief moment she thought he was going to lean down and kiss her. She was disappointed when he didn’t.

He stared at her, his expression inscrutable. “It stopped raining. You should go.”

 

******

 

Rey pulled into the parking space for her condo still wearing Kylo’s oversized sweatshirt and her, mostly dry, underwear. She’d balked at the idea of driving home without her skivvies and the look on Kylo’s face when she’d told him that her underwear was drying in his shower and she didn’t want to leave them there had been priceless. He’d conceded she could spend the rest of their allotted time hanging out at his place and had pulled out a deck of cards. He’d suggested strip poker with a completely straight face, but in the end they’d played “go fish.” She’d kicked his ass and gleefully taunted him after each win. She’d had fun and tried not to think about what that meant.

She’d skulked out of his front door, behavior reminiscent of the walk of shame from college when you ended up spending the night by accident. Rey had been convinced that someone would see her and report to her boss that she left the house of a known criminal in nothing but a shirt. However, she realized how unreasonable that was. She needed to get home and change so she could get back to work. As she walked up to her door, she really, really hoped Finn wasn’t home. He worked from home a lot and there really wasn’t a good way to explain why she was wearing a large man’s clothing without having to explain the presence of a large man. Rose was using his car this week, so its absence wasn’t a clue to his whereabouts.

She braced herself for the worst when she opened the door slowly and snuck in, putting the plastic bag of wet clothes on the floor. She shut the door quietly and turned around only to scream in horror when Finn jumped out at her.

His cackling laughter followed and she smacked him hard on the shoulder. “What the hell, Finn?”

He wiped the tears from his eyes. “You just looked like you were trying so hard to be sneaky. I couldn’t help it.” He looked her over, grinning. “What on earth are you wearing?”

“I got stuck in the storm. My clothes are in that bag.”

“That’s a pretty big sweatshirt, Rey. You got a boyfriend yet?”

Rey grabbed her temples. This is what she’d been dreading. “Shut up, Finn. A friend helped me out.”

Finn was merciless when he got started. “A boyfriend? Big boyfriend?”

Rey walked away from him towards her bedroom. “None of your business, Finn.”

“Aw, cmon Rey!” Finn shouted down the hall. “Is he a giant?”

Rey’s only response was to slam her door.

 

******

 

She’d slept in his sweatshirt that evening, telling herself it was because of the cold and it was already _right there_ on her bed.

She dreamt of him and his scent. They were _very_ good dreams.

They were terrifying.

She reduced their check-ins from weekly to monthly immediately the following morning.

He’d hung up on her when she told him.

And then, when she’d arrived at work, her boss had pointed out that at no time during his over two months on parole had Rey surprised Ben Solo with a random home visit. Poe made it clear that she had a week to rectify that, so she spent the rest of the morning scrambling to coordinate a uniformed police escort. All the while, she panicked about how uncomfortable it made her, knowing she would be surprising him by showing up with a cop at his door.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unpleasant thing happen.

Rey found herself knocking on his door at 7:30 on a Tuesday morning two weeks after the unfortunate sweatshirt incident, with a uniform named Hitchcock accompanying her. She was chewing on her nails, palms sweaty. She hadn’t spoken to him since the rain storm. She’d checked in with Chewie and knew he’d been going to work. The court-ordered counselor confirmed he was attending those sessions as well. She’d kept tabs on him because it was her job. It was harder to explain why she’d continued to sleep in the oversized sweatshirt, but no one needed to know about that.

He opened the door, his face still soft from sleeping and for a brief moment she saw genuine pleasure cross his features at seeing her. What happened next nearly broke her heart. His gaze went to the uniform and his expression immediately hardened. The look he shot her was one of betrayal.

“What the hell is this?”

She swallowed her discomfort. “Random check-in.”

He opened the door wider and instead of inviting them in he just walked back into the apartment. Rey straightened her shoulders and smiled briefly at the uniformed officer, acting all the world like nothing was bothering her, and stepped inside.

He wasn’t fully dressed when he had answered the door, and Rey watched him out of the corner of her eyes while he pulled on his pants and buttoned the fly. He was glaring at her and she felt a twinge of guilt run through her. She looked away while he continued to dress, which turned out to be a mistake. Hitchcock was lifting the mattress Kylo had on the floor, going around each corner, and not being particularly careful about it. Rey resisted the urge to ask him to be gentle with Kylo’s things. Instead she watched while he stripped the blankets off the bed, tossing them in a pile on the floor. The absolute invasion of privacy was hard for her to watch. She turned back to Kylo, who had put on a black long-sleeved shirt and was now crouching, busy lacing his black work boots.

He looked up at her and she opened her mouth to apologize but he cut her off with a glare. “Don’t.” He stood up and moved towards the door in an effort to escape.

“Sir, please remain in the house.” The officer’s warning stopped him and Rey saw him clench both fists at his side before he turned back around. He leveled his angry gaze on her.

“Is this payback?” He ground out the question in a near whisper.

She was genuinely confused. “Payback for what?”

He clenched his jaw and crossed his arms over his chest, gesturing to Officer Hitchcock with one hand. “I threaten you and you show up with a cop?”

Rey looked over her shoulder quickly to make sure Hitchcock hadn’t heard anything. Because it would be perfect if the uniform overheard the parolee confessing to having threatened his parole officer. She was relieved to see the officer had moved into Kylo’s bathroom and was currently going through the stack of towels and his medicine cabinet. Perhaps relieved was the wrong word because she felt another stab of guilt, which only increased her agitation. She hated this.

She stalked up to him, hissing her response into his face. “You think I’m enjoying this? There is a reason I haven’t done one of these until now! My boss gave me no choice. He reviewed my caseload and noticed I’d been slacking with you.”

“Miss Jakku?”

Rey blinked, having temporarily forgotten they had company. She turned and faced the uniformed police officer who was holding a black book. “Yes, Officer Hitchcock?”

He looked at Kylo and then gestured her over to him, obviously not wanting to disclose the nature of what he’d found where Kylo could hear it. She walked over to the officer and took the book from his outstretched hands.

He looked at her with concern, before he pointed down at the plain cover. “It’s a sketch book. I flipped through it just to make sure there was no contraband in there since it’s the only book in the house.”

Rey had no idea where he was going with this and glanced briefly behind her to see what Kylo thought about all of it, only to find that he was leaning over the table, pressing his clenched fists into the surface like he wanted nothing more than to erupt in fury, knuckles white from the pressure.

She turned back to the officer. “And?”

He looked uncomfortable. “Well, they’re mostly of you. And, some of them…um...” He cleared his throat. “They’re graphic.”

Rey looked down at the book. Her first thought was that she had no idea he liked to draw, and wasn’t that odd because how could she not know that? She tentatively opened to a random page, only to be met by an image of her face staring back at her. Her hair was wet and she was sitting at a table holding a cup of coffee, looking out from the page with a small frown on her face. She knew that it was from the day of the rain storm. She also knew he had to have done it from memory, because at no point during that day had he pulled out a pencil and sketched her.

She slammed the book shut and was overwhelmed by shame. He’d drawn her face from memory. Good god, what had she done.

“I think we’re done, Officer. I’ll follow in a moment.”

He nodded at her and moved past her to exit. Rey watched the uniformed police officer leave the house and gathered her courage.

“Kylo—”

He cut her off with a look. His face, which she felt at this point she could read like an open book, was a mixture of rage and pain and shame. She felt all of it cut her to the quick.

“You need to go.” His voice sounded wrong, somehow, like he was trying not to break.

Rey offered him the sketch book, and he stared at it like she was handing him a viper. She put it on table and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sure you are,” he spat back at her.

She left and closed the door behind them. Officer Hitchcock waved, driving off in his cruiser, leaving Rey alone with her thoughts. She started to move towards her car when she heard a yell of agony, followed by a crash, come from Kylo’s apartment. She felt tears threatening and walked to her car, refusing to look back.

  
******

When he’d realized what the officer held in his hands, Kylo had wanted to scream. He felt like a caged animal, desperate to escape but unable to. He wanted to tear the book from the cop’s hands before Rey could look into it and see the depths of his obsession. Because that was all this was, all it could be. She’d made that so very clear.

He’d watched in agony when she opened the sketch book, wondering insanely if she would be pleased with what she found or horrified. He suspected it would depend on which page she turned to. Had he summoned her likeness when he’d been calm and relaxed, or had she turned to an image fueled by his anger and loneliness, his sense of powerlessness?

Would it be a sketch of her soft features, staring back at her, or would it be images he’d pulled from the depths of his dark soul? Images of her bound, his form crouched over her like a demon? Fantasies of her spread out before him like a gift? He braced himself for a look of horror to cross her face, but it never came. Instead he’d seen her expression crumble into something like misery and she had dismissed the cop.

And then she’d had the balls to apologize, like that could undo the absolute humiliation of what had just happened. He threw the sketch book across the room.

  
******

 

It had been about ten days since what Rey was now referring to as The Disaster. She was on edge and unable to focus, which was the worst possible mindset to be in for her now biweekly check-ins with Armitage Hux. She was distracted during the check-in. It was the only explanation for what happened. One minute she was reviewing his updated work schedule, and the next minute she was struggling to breathe. The hand wrapped around her neck was constricting her airway to the point she was getting dizzy, and she was so surprised by the attack she still hadn’t responded to her attacker.

She snapped out of her stupor and her self-defense training kicked in. Literally. With a solid shot to the kneecap followed by a clip to the man’s throat, the hand around her neck released. She used her advantage, grabbed his head between her hands, and thrust her knee up into his face, then elbowed him on the shoulder, hitting the sensitive nerve bundle located there. He collapsed on the ground in a bloody heap.

She scrambled over to her purse and pulled out her phone, dialing the police. She watched the sleezy bastard who she’d knocked out to see if he was going to get up. She felt no remorse kicking him in the face when he started to stir. She gave the dispatch officer the address, identified herself as his P.O., and told them she’d wait outside for the patrol car. Dispatch told her it shouldn’t be more than 5 or 10 minutes and Rey hung up, grabbed her stuff, and rushed outside.

She rubbed her throat, imaging the bruise was going to be pretty awful, and looked down at her hands. There was blood on them, and she just wiped it on her pants. The clothes were going to need a good cleaning regardless.

The patrol car pulled up, lights and sirens blaring, and she crossed her arms over her chest, shivering. She was probably in shock.

“Where’s the perp?”

“Inside.”

One of the officers went into the house and the other stayed out next to her to take her statement. “What’s your relationship with your attacker?”

“I’m his parole officer. I was here for a regular check-in and he went for me.”

The officer wrote down a few things before his shoulder radio squawked. “Gotcha,” he responded into the radio. “We need to call EMS. Looks like you broke his nose and dislocated his jaw.” He pointed his pen at her neck. “You should probably have that looked at too. He scratched you pretty badly.”

Rey reached up to her neck and touched it, her fingers coming away bloody. “Shit.”

The officer went back to scribbling. “What’s the offender’s name?”

Rey sighed, “Armitage Hux.”

The officer asked her a few more questions and took her statement while his partner inside cuffed Hux and read him his rights. Rey refused to wait for medical treatment and asked if she could leave. The officers had her statement and would be processing Hux, so she was free to go.

The first call she made was to Poe.

“He what?” her boss shrieked in her ear.

“I’m fine, really. He’s in police custody and they’re going to get him medical attention and process him for assault.” There was silence on the other end of the phone. “I’m fine, boss.” Her shaky voice belied that statement, but she was hoping he wouldn’t notice.

“You’re on admin leave effective immediately.” His voice was harsh, and she felt her annoyance pique.

“But—”

He cut her off. “Go home, Rey. This isn’t a minor thing, okay? Talk to someone, or I’ll make you talk to someone, got it?”

She nodded to herself. “Yes. Okay.”

 

******

 

Rey pushed the door to her condo open and dropped her stuff on the floor. She was still covered in blood, some hers, most of it not. She slipped off her shoes, and went straight to her bathroom. She vaguely heard Finn call out to her, but she ignored him as she turned the water on in her tub. She shut the door and stripped, stepping into the hot water. She was still in shock, a part of her recognized that. She felt numb, but she couldn't get Poe’s words out of her head. _Talk to someone. Talk to someone._ No matter how many times she repeated it, the same raven-haired someone kept popping up in her mind. It was almost like her brain was stuck in a loop.

She had gotten off the phone with her boss and almost dialed his number. But then she remembered the look on his face the last time she’d seen him and had thrown the phone down.

_Talk to someone._

Finn knocked on the door, startling her.

“You okay?”

She laughed cynically. “Rough day at the office.” Her voice shook. She hated it.

“You need anything.”

She chewed on he bottom lip. _Talk to someone._ She briefly thought about Finn, but dismissed it immediately. Finn admired her strength, needed her to be strong and push through things all the time. She needed to not be that person right now. “Can you get my phone?”

“Sure.”

She heard him wander off and then a few minutes later, come back.

“Rey? There’s blood on your purse.” His voice was concerned.

“Not mine.” He didn’t respond. “Can you just slide the phone under the door, please?”

“Sure.” She heard him pause, and then heard the sound of the phone slide across the floor and hit the edge of the tub. “Rey, you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, Finn. Go away now.”

“You sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

 _Talk to someone._ “Maybe after I get out, okay?”

“Okay.”

Rey leaned over the edge of the tub and picked up the phone. She unlocked it and stared at it for a minute before she made up her mind.

_I had a really bad day._

She wasn’t really expecting a response, so she just kept typing.

_My boss told me I had to talk to someone. And the only person I wanted to talk to is you._

She put the phone down on the edge of the tub and sank lower into the warm water, feeling the sting of it on her neck. He’d most likely ignore her, and she’d tell Finn an edited version of what happened, but she was pretty sure that hadn’t been what Poe had meant. She grabbed a washcloth and submerged it in the water. She should really wash out the scratches since she’d refused medical attention. She sat up and reached for the soap when her phone buzzed and she felt her heart jump into her throat.

_And?_

Would he actually listen?

_And I just wish you were here, so I could tell you._

_Where are you?_

Would he come, if she asked?

_In my bathtub._

His response took a few minutes. She felt tears well up, thinking he wouldn’t respond, and then her phone buzzed again.

_Come by the diner tomorrow._

Ok.

She put the phone back on the floor and submerged herself in the water.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ps - chapter length is a little wonky going forward. This one is short and the next one is probably too long. But I have my reasons :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet Smut.

The bell above the door jingled as she walked into the diner. It was 10:00 and the place still had a busy breakfast crowd. Maz waved at her from a table and gestured to the back, giving her the go ahead to wander into the kitchen.

Rey smiled nervously and walked through the swinging door that led to the back part of the restaurant. Chewie’s office was to the left with the bustling kitchen to the right. She took two steps towards him before Kylo noticed her. He stopped what he was doing, took off the wet apron he had covering his clothes, and approached her.

He looked around, saw that no one was watching, and then grabbed her by the elbow. He walked her quickly to the office, shutting the door behind him and maintaining his grip on her arm.

“What happened?”

She looked up at him, saw the soft expression on his face, recognized he was genuinely concerned for her, and burst into tears. Yesterday had been a nightmare and all she’d wanted was him. She was too tired to fight her intense pull to him right now. She leaned into his chest, feeling his surprise, and then felt his strong arms wrap around her and pull her close. She bunched her fists in his shirt and sobbed gracelessly into his comforting embrace.

He rested his chin on her head and she relaxed further into his arms. His big hand was making lazy circles on her back. Just like when she’d had her near panic attack at his apartment, his presence had a calming effect on her. His hand slid up her back and encircled her neck to give a reassuring squeeze. When she winced, he stilled.

He loosened his grip on her and set her back from him a few inches, one arm still encircling her waist. He brought a hand up to her neck and pulled the scarf she’d worn away from her skin, revealing the purple bruising and the scratches. The hand on her waist gripped her tighter, and he cupped her chin forcing her to look up at him.“Tell me.”

“Hux.” Her voice came out tight.

He clenched his jaw and ground out, “Where is he?”

“Probably still at the hospital. I broke his nose and dislocated his jaw.”

A ghost of a smile played over his lips and his fingers traced her jaw. They moved lower, whispering over the bruises on her neck. It gave her goosebumps and she suddenly became aware of the heat of his chest under her hands.

Rey felt her fingers twitch with the desire to run her hands over him, and without looking at him whispered, “Why are you the only person who makes me feel safe.” It wasn’t a question, more like an appeal to the universe for an explanation.

Kylo gripped her face in his large hands, softly forcing her to look at him. “You know the answer to that question, Rey.” Her grip on his shirt tightened again as she clenched her fists into the fabric, and she offered up no resistance when he dropped his hands from her face to grab her by the waist and walk her backwards until her back hit the door.

“I missed you.” The words tumbled out of her before she could think.

He stilled. Rey opened her mouth to say more, but instead just inhaled sharply as his warm hands slipped under her shirt, making contact with the skin of her abdomen. He pressed his thumbs into her hip bones, and stepped closer, effectively pinning her between the door and his large frame. She could feel the heat rolling off of him, could smell the scent that was particular to him that she’d come to recognize and, if she were being honest with herself, had driven her to continue to sleep in his sweatshirt every night.

His eyes searched hers, asking a silent question. She _had_ missed him, missed the way he looked at her, missed his surliness, missed his willingness to sit quietly and not force her to talk. His eyes, usually a rich amber, were almost black, his pupils blown wide with desire and Rey felt a warmth uncoiling in her belly the longer they stared at one another. He finally decided he got the answer he was looking for, because his head dipped lower and his lips found the sensitive spot where her shoulder met her neck. She sighed and snaked one of her hands up around his neck to bury it in his hair and hold him close.

He trailed soft whispers of lip and tongue over her bruised flesh, almost like he was trying to erase the hurt. Rey closed her eyes and let her head fall back to give him better access. He slid his thigh between her legs, and she felt a jolt of arousal go through her at the friction it created. His right hand skittered up her ribs, and Rey tensed in anticipation before his thumb brushed over her nipple. The shock went though her body, causing her to jerk and the hand at her hip squeezed her flesh in response.

Feeling his gaze on her, Rey opened her eyes, her breath hitching slightly as she saw the look on his face. He looked predatory, like he wanted to devour her, but there was something else that tempered it, something close to worship. His thigh pressed against the apex of her legs, his eyes watching her response. Gasping, she gripped his hair harder, pulling his face closer until their foreheads touched. His eyes lowered, first to her lips, then down to look at where their bodies were pressed together.

She felt his hand move away from her hip and slide under the band of her leggings. She grabbed his wrist and he paused in his movements, lifting his gaze back to hers. Rey felt his breath mingling with hers, trapped in the intensity of his eyes. Black orbs that she could drown in. She covered his hand with her own and guided him towards her center until he was where she wanted him, cupping her core. She never wore underwear with leggings, so his hand met her bare flesh and he growled, pushing his forehead into hers almost painfully at the contact. She was already wet and she felt a throb of need when his skin touched hers.

The base of his palm pressed against her clit, while his fingers whispered over her moist folds, tickling and exploring her. She rocked her hips into his hand, wanting more, wanting him to stop teasing her. Her desires must have been clear because he growled softly and pushed two long fingers into her, causing her to grip his wrist and gasp. Their eyes were locked on each other and Rey couldn’t help but feel like he was staring into her soul, seeing all the things that no one else had seen or even known to look for. The intensity of it was almost too much, but she couldn’t break away. His fingers began to move in and out of her and she panted, her breathing erratic.

She dug her fingernails into his flesh as his thumb found her clit and began circling it while his fingers inside her did magical things. Thrusting, pulling, curling and stretching her like she was an instrument he was playing. His other hand swiftly came out from under her shirt where he had been toying with her nipple, and he grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulling her head back to expose her neck so he could bite and nibble her jawline. She whimpered in need as the throbbing he’d started in her began to turn into a pulsing, electric sensation that curled up her spine and down to her toes.

“Please,” she breathed.

 

******

 

Her whispered “please” almost killed him, and he had to take a minute to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.

When he was sure he wasn’t and this was actually happening, he stopped the movement of his fingers and Rey whimpered in frustration as he moved his lips to her ear and whispered, “Shhhh.” He pressed down on her clit again and her hips jerked involuntarily. “I want to see you come. I want to look in your eyes when you go over the edge. But I don’t want you to make any noise. Can you do that for me, Rey?”

He bit down on her earlobe and thrust his fingers into her hard, causing her to jerk again. She nodded and he moved back to look at her. The grip she had on his hair became almost painfully tight, but he didn’t care. He fucked her with his hand, holding her in place with his thigh, and watched her face.

She held his gaze, and he watched her expression transform into a snarl before he felt her yank on his hair to bring him closer. She leaned up to bite his jaw gently and he was suddenly uncomfortably hard. He felt her tighten around his hand, and he pressed his forehead against hers again while he watched her mouth open in a silent scream at the same time the walls of her pussy contracted and pulsed around him. She shuddered, the grip on his hair relaxed, and she collapsed, her muscles having turned completely to jelly. The only thing holding her up was him.

He pulled his fingers out of her and she whined at the loss of contact. Apparently she wasn’t willing to let go of him yet, because she tightened her grip on his wrist and lifted his hand up to her lips. He almost came when she pulled the fingers that had just been inside her into the warmth of her mouth, tasting the combined flavors of both of them, running her tongue over his calloused fingertips.

It was the hottest thing he’d ever seen.

“Rey.” Her name came out like a benediction. He released his grip on her hair and ran his hand over her scalp and down her cheek. She continued to nibble on the fingers of his other hand like a tiny, wild animal, while she ran her gaze over his face.

Placing one final kiss on his index finger, she dropped his hand and leaned up to kiss him gently on the lips.

“You probably have to get back to work.”

He nodded before kissing her back deeply, tongue and teeth devouring her until he heard her moan. When he lifted his head, his expression was hard. “You’re staying with me tonight.”

She just nodded her assent and he resisted the urge to shout in victory.

 

******

 

They exited the office, his arm still around her waist, both of them unwilling to fully break contact with the other, only to run right into Chewie.

“What the hell are you two doing?” Chewie looked at Rey, looked down at the now tight grip Kylo had around her waist, his large hand spread over her abdomen, then back up to meet the younger man’s gaze. “You should probably let go of her.”

“Back off,” Kylo whispered, his grip on her tightening. Rey squeezed his forearm reassuringly, not wanting the situation to escalate.

“Its’s okay. Let me talk to Chewie.”

He stiffened a bit, but acquiesced and after giving her a reassuring squeeze, he loosened his grip and left her with the owner of the diner.

Chewie threw his hands up. “Have you lost your damn mind?”

Rey was pretty sure she had. Between having just had what was beyond a doubt the most intense sexual experience of her life and being caught like a horny teenager by a person who she had always seen as something of a father figure, she was having a hard time forming thoughts, much less putting together sentences.

But she had to try. “Can we talk in your office?”

He looked at her pointedly. “I don’t know, can we?”

Rey blushed. “We didn’t… You know what? It’s really none of your business,” she said as she turned to go back into the room she’d just come out of.

“It is when it happens in my office,” Chewie grumbled as he slammed the door behind him. He looked at her, his gaze narrowing on her neck. “Is that him?”

Rey started. “What? No! Jesus, Chewie. Hux. It was Hux. Yesterday.”

“Ahh, sunshine.” Chewie reached out and placed a warm hand on her shoulder. “You okay?”

Rey nodded. “Yeah. No. I don’t know.” Chewie gestured to a chair and she sat while he leaned his hip against the desk. “I mean, nothing happened except this.” She gestured to her neck. “But that was enough.”

“And the stuff that’s none of my business?”

Rey rubbed her forehead. “Still technically none of your business.”

“You’re his P.O., Rey.”

She looked up at Chewie. “Right now I don’t care.”

“That’s what has me worried, sunshine. What happens when you do?”

Rey stood up. “Chewie, I’ve been struggling with this for months. My decision’s been made.”

The older man just shook his head. “Go on, then. I won’t say anything. You let him know that, though, will ya? He seems damn protective of you.”

Rey hugged him and stepped out of the office. She pretended not to hear him mutter under his breath that she was hormone crazed fool.

 

******

 

Kylo could feel her before he saw her. He turned away from the hot water and filthy dishes and wiped his hands on the apron. He pretended for a moment that the look on her face was one of affection before he dismissed the idea as delusional. But she’d said she’d stay with him, and there was no way he was letting her get out of it. Even if this was all he got.

He shoved his hand into his pocket and palmed his house key. He strode over to her and grabbed her hand, put the key in her palm, and then folded her fist around it.

“I’ll see you tonight.” His tone offered no opportunity to argue, his voice firm with the expectation she would comply. He turned to go back to his menial tasks before she had the opportunity to argue.

“Kylo?”

He closed his eyes in disappointment, knowing she was about to return the key and run far, far away, like she always did. And the worst part was that because he was going to spend the next six hours washing dishes, he wouldn’t even smell like her when he got home. “Yeah?”

“What do you want for dinner?”

He actually grinned.

 

******

 

Rey stopped by the condo and picked up a change of clothes and the sweatshirt she’d had now for nearly a month. Finn wasn’t home so she wrote him a brief note saying she would be spending the night with a friend (she’d underlined that word six times), and then picked up some tea and lunch, nervous and marginally sick to her stomach the entire time.

She parked her car and let herself into his studio, looking around the place. It had really only been a couple of weeks since she had last been here, but she felt like she was looking at it with different eyes. In a sense she was. She wasn’t here as his P.O. She wasn’t sure what she was here as, but she didn’t want to be anywhere else right now. The experience with Hux had sent her thoughts reeling. She had gradually started to feel safe and self assured the further she got from her foster care experiences. She’d always been self reliant, but for so long she had been anxious and skittish, always on the defensive, convinced everyone around her was there to hurt her. But as she’d gone through college and then grown into an adult those feelings had, she’d thought, left her. Turns out they were still there and just simmering beneath the surface, ignored but not gone. Suddenly she was back to feeling like her fifteen year old self who wasn’t safe in her body and was constantly on edge waiting for the next person to attack.

And the only person she thought might make her feel safe again was Kylo, so that’s where she needed to be. Even if she recognized that the consequences of her seeking safety in the arms of an ex-con parolee were potentially career ending. She shook off her thoughts and closed the door, her eyes wandering around the space.

He’d bought some books, his small library set up on the floor against the wall. She saw the black bound sketch book on the floor as well and resisted inspecting it for the time being. She’d come back to that later. In the meantime she busied herself with putting away the things she’d brought. She had very specific caffeine needs in the morning and wanted to make sure the place was supplied with coffee. She hadn’t bought any food because she wasn’t really sure what he’d wanted since he never answered her when she’d asked.

Once all of that was done, Rey decided to go for a run since she had been planning to do that after visiting the diner anyway, and she thought it might burn off some nervous energy. She got back about an hour later and opted to shower and change out of the now odiferous workout clothes. It took a couple of minutes to get the shower to come on and now she knew why the last time Kylo had done it for her. It stuck and required a bit of force to get it into the upward position required for showering. She spent a long time in the shower under the warm water, and didn’t get out until the temperature started to drop.

Dressed in a pair of pajama bottoms and a soft, well used T-shirt, Rey dried her hair with a towel and wandered over to the small library set up against Kylo’s wall. It was an odd assortment of novels. Ayn Rand, a collection of short stories by Stephen King, a Bronte sister book she’d never heard of. He had interesting taste in reading. And then, of course, the sketchbook. She hesitated for a moment, before reaching out for it. She made a quick cup of tea and carried it over to the mattress, deciding to sit on the bed and settle in rather than at the table.

She looked at the sketchbook while she took a couple of sips from her cup. She started chewing her nails, wondering if maybe this was a bad idea. His reaction the last time she had looked at it had been pretty horrible, but maybe it was just the circumstances? She wanted to see his secrets. Officer Hitchcock had described the drawings as graphic, and she was dying to know what graphic imagery he’d seen in his mind. Her decision made, she opened the sketch book so that it lay in her lap.

The first few drawings were basic sketches. A hand. A pair of lips. It was almost like he was practicing the pieces, because after a few pages she saw the first portrait of herself. She flipped through a few more pages before she encountered one that Officer Hitchcock would have described as graphic. It was still her, but not quite, topless with her mouth open. Her breasts were nearly the right size and the expression on the face of the girl staring back at her was a bit more come-hither than she probably had in her. She squirmed and reached for her tea. Maybe this was a bad idea. These drawings were obviously a way for him to work out some frustration.

Never one to listen to the voice that urged caution, however, Rey continued.

The more she saw of the sketches, the more difficult it was for her to remain unaffected. He’d drawn her staring down at her phone at the booth in the diner, sitting on his couch biting her nails, standing with her hands on her hips, standing in her wet clothes, crying in front of him as he held her hand. It was like he was cataloguing all of their time together. Rey brushed her finger over the pages of those sketches.

And between these moments there were other, much more erotic sketches of her that she found incredibly arousing. She suspected that a normal person would probably be disturbed by the obsessive and possessive nature of the drawings, but she just didn’t have it in her at this point. She lingered over them. There was one in particular that had her heart racing. She was on a table of some sort. It wasn’t clear in the sketch, just a slab. Her arms were over her head, bound at the wrist and tied to the wall with a piece of rope. She was blindfolded and the rest of her was bare, one leg bent at the knee with legs slightly spread. The most interesting part to her, however, was the monster who hovered over her. Because it was definitely more monster than man. Is this how he saw himself? As some black, formless expanse? She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. And as she flipped through the sketches, she discovered that at no point in any of the fantasy drawings was he human. He was always a monster.

 

******

 

Kylo opened the door to the studio and took in the sight of Rey sitting on his bed. Satisfaction curled up his spine and the sense that she was finally where she was supposed to be filled his chest with warmth. Until he saw what was in her lap.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice hard. He was preparing himself for her disgust and rejection, and the only way to make it hurt less was to get angry.

She looked up and blushed, a small smile on her face. He realized with some surprise that she wasn’t angry at all. And she didn’t look like she was horrified or disgusted either. She was _embarrassed_. But by what, getting caught or by what she’d seen? He decided to ask.

He gestured to the book in her lap. “Something in there you liked?” He was immensely gratified to see her blush deepen as she brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. She looked down at the sketchbook and cocked her head to the side, then looked back up at him.

“Can I ask you a question?”

He nodded as he pulled off his jacket and bent to unlace his boots.

“Why are you always a monster?”

He walked slowly towards her and sat next to her on the bed, not entirely sure he knew what she meant. He leaned on the arm that he’d placed behind her back and looked over her shoulder at the image that had snagged her attention. He better understood her question now that he knew what sketch she was looking at. He rested his chin on her shoulder and ran the fingers of his other hand down her arm feeling a thrill of success when goosebumps popped up on her flesh.

She leaned away slightly to look over her shoulder at him and his gaze dropped to her lips, bringing back memories from the morning.

“You’re not a monster,” she said softly.

He looked back up into her eyes and whispered, “Yes, I am” before leaning in and capturing her mouth with his.

His method of silencing her was effective, and he felt her soften under the assault of his lips and tongue. He leaned into her and she let him push her onto her back, sketchbook forgotten, as he settled his weight on top of her. She felt small and warm and soft underneath him, and he deepened their kiss as he nudged her thighs apart with his knee.

She responded immediately, opening herself to him, and he settled his hips into the soft cradle she’d made for him. He felt her grip his arms, fingernails digging into them as he rocked his pelvis into hers. His elation at her moaned response made him want to devour her.

He broke the kiss, panting, and looked down at her face, taking in the swollen pink color of her lips, the dark pupils of her hazel eyes and her heightened color. She was beautiful and he would do anything in his power to make her his for as long as she would let him. He pushed his increasingly hard cock against her softness again and watched her bite her bottom lip in response.

He lifted himself up and crouched over her, his posture almost protective. He tugged on her T-shirt, and she raised up off the bed enough for him to sweep it over her head. Then he sat back on his heels to admire his prize.

She smiled at him and his heart lurched. He tore his gaze from hers to travel over her perfect breasts and he wondered briefly if he’d survive it when she inevitably left him. Annoyance threaded through his arousal and the need to overpower her, keep her, demand she stay, began to well up inside him. And she wondered why he always drew himself as a monster.

He ripped off his own shirt and pinned her wrists above her head, as he slowly rubbed his naked chest against hers, groaning with the feel of her pebbled nipples dragging across his flesh. His mouth moved down to her neck as she arched her back under him to give him better access. She wrapped her legs around his thighs and pulled him closer with the muscles of her legs.

He took her earlobe in between his teeth and ordered her to leave her hands where they were. She nodded and he slid down her body, removing her sweatpants, thrilled to find she was wearing nothing underneath. Crouching at her feet he ran his hands up her legs, gripping her thighs and spreading her open. A brief glance at her face showed him that her eyes were closed, bottom lip snagged between her teeth, arms obediently stretched out above her head.

He knelt between her thighs, his thumbs making languid circles as his hands moved closer to her glistening center. She was wet, and he was incredibly surprised to see, shaved almost bare. He knew she’d done that since their interlude in the diner that morning, and it made his dick twitch to think it was for him. She deserved to be rewarded her for her efforts. He leaned in, spread her open with his thumbs, and blew on her sensitive flesh before running his tongue over her folds. She tasted like female and freedom, and he continued to explore her with his mouth, using his fingers to press into her, fucking her with his hand like he had earlier, thrilled with the soft heat of her. She was squirming underneath him and he lifted his eyes to see if her hands were still above her head where he’d told her to keep them. When he saw they were, he felt a thrill shoot straight into his cock.

He flicked his tongue over her clit until she cried out and he tasted the juices of her release and her warm flesh clamp down on his fingers. He removed himself from her sweetness and stood, towering over her.

“Rey,” he whispered. She opened her eyes and looked up at him as he began to unbutton his pants. He looked down at her and her expression held nothing but desire. Did she know he was recreating the sketch she liked so much for her? He shed his pants and stood above her, naked and fully aroused.

“You’re the only woman I’ve wanted to be with since I’ve been out.” Her eyes met his. “You want me to fuck you?”

Her eyes dropped to his crotch and she stretched in a decidedly feline manner. “Yes, please.”

He was on her before she finished, settling heavy between her thighs, mouth attached to one of her perky breasts, one hand running up her arms to grab her wrists. She whispered words of encouragement, telling him how much she enjoyed what he was doing. He rubbed his cock against her wet entrance and lifted his head from her breast, kissing his way up her chest and neck to find her lips. He cupped her face with the hand that had been on her wrists and reached between them with the other to guide himself to her entrance.

“Look at me.”

Her eyes opened and he teased her entrance with the tip of his cock. She groaned and the look on her face was almost pained. He pressed into her, her back arching, but she held his gaze. His eyes searched hers and he withdrew before sliding deeper into her. She was so tight, and it had been so long since he’d been in a woman he almost lost it right then. He withdrew one more time and then pushed all the way into her, sheathing himself to the hilt with a groan.

He started moving, and he watched with pleasure as her eyes rolled back into her head.

“Fuck, you’re huge,” she moaned.

He smirked to himself, then began to fuck her in earnest, adjusting the depth and pace to keep her surprised. He raised himself up on his forearms and reached down to her thigh, pulling her leg up, opening her further. The new angle allowed him to go deeper and he could tell by the change in her noises that she liked it too. He wound his arm under her knee and leaned back down, forcing her leg over his shoulder.

He increased his pace and she wrenched a wrist free from his grip and reached up to grab his hair and pull him towards her, capturing his mouth with hers. Her aggression and her obvious need for him had him close enough to coming that he had to slow down. The kiss was deep and consuming and he felt like she was inhaling him, but he wasn’t going to complain.

She released his mouth, but not his hair, and their foreheads touched, lost in each other’s eyes. He always felt like he was snared in her gaze, his soul pinned down for inspection and he was never entirely sure if she found him wanting. But he needed something from her in this moment that was hard to put into words. He slowed his thrusts and watched her expression change as he found the perfect angle, the sweet spot, her near orgasm written all over her face.

“Say my name,” he whispered.

“Ky—”

He cut her off with a rough kiss, willing her to understand what he was asking from her. He didn’t fully understand it himself, but something in him needed her to recognize the boy he once was without having to ask.

So he broke the kiss and whispered against her lips as he continued to thrust slowly into her, eliciting soft little moans with each thrust. “Say my name.”

He watched her eyes until he saw a flash of understanding.

“Ben,” she whispered.

He burrowed his face in her neck and released her leg, feeling it slide down his hip as she locked her ankles around him, then reached his hands up to clasp hers, intertwining his long fingers with her smaller ones. He inhaled the scent of her neck, ran his lips and tongue over her sweaty flesh and realized he was no longer just fucking Rey and wondered if she could tell. He raised himself up to look at her and began to move faster. He tried to memorize her expression, the details of her face while she was like this. She made mewling sounds that soon turned into whispers of his name with each thrust and she squeezed his hands and tightened her grip on him with her legs. She arched up underneath him and he felt the walls of her pussy tighten around his dick and he couldn’t keep himself from going over the edge with her.

He growled her name with his release and she whispered his one last time before he collapsed on her, face buried in her hair, inhaling her scent, wondering how he would ever be able to let her go.

 

******

 

Rey’s limbs were limp and her entire being felt sated. She slid her hands out from Kylo - Ben’s - grasp and wrapped them around his broad shoulders, holding him close to her. His weight wasn’t unpleasant or suffocating yet, although it probably would be soon, and she wanted to keep him close to her. She moved her fingers lightly over his broad back, enjoying being able to touch him. He adjusted his arms as well, and slid them under her, embracing her while staying nestled into the crook of her shoulder. Her legs were wrapped around him still, and she reveled in the closeness.

She’d known the minute he’d gone from fucking her to making love to her. It had been when she reached out for him, desperate to bring him closer for a kiss, and he’d asked her to call him Ben. She wasn’t sure what to make of it and didn’t know exactly how she felt about it. What she did know was that the experience of Ben Solo making love to her was the best sex she’d ever had. Usually, when she dated and the man wanted to get emotional and soft during sex, that was the death knell for the relationship. Sex for her had always just been a thing she did with her partners to scratch an itch. Once it became about feelings, she put a stop to it. But this time? This time she just wanted more. And it filled her with anxiety. Because what if he left? What if she finally threw caution to the wind and opened up and then was left completely alone again?

Her train of thought was disturbed by Ben lifting himself off of her and rolling onto his back, pulling her with him. She was curled up against him, one large arm wrapped around her as he propped the other under his head.

Rey allowed her fingers to run over his chest, tracing scars and creating random patterns. She was overwhelmed by the need to know where all of the marks came from, wanted him to tell her the story of his body, wanted him to be as stripped bare as she felt in his presence. But she didn’t want to break the silence and the comfort of the afterglow, so instead she closed her eyes and let herself drift off to sleep.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angsty smut.

She woke up alone. She stretched and rolled over on the mattress, looking around for Ben. She saw him at the table, watching her, pencil in his hand.

His gaze was intense, as usual, and she pushed herself up into a sitting position, her curiosity stronger than the self consciousness that she felt at being completely naked under that stare of his.

“What time is it?” He’d come home about 6:30 and she wanted to know how long she’d been asleep.

“About eight.”

“What are you doing?”

He rubbed his thumb over his bottom lip before answering. “Drawing you.” He put the pencil down and closed the sketch book. “I figured I should take the opportunity since I may not have it again.”

She frowned. “What does that mean?”

He stood and strode over to her and Rey was disappointed to see he’d put on pants. She ran her eyes over him as he came closer, and she realized she was completely infatuated with this man. He squatted in front of her and bracketed her with his arms, then searched her gaze while Rey tried to focus on something other than his lips.

“It means at least one of us knows what’s going on here.”

Rey felt herself growing annoyed. She hated when he was cryptic. “Which is?”

He let his eyes wander over her, looking at her hair, her ears, her neck. She was suddenly very aware of the bruising from Hux’s hand. “You’re here because you need to be.” He caught her eyes again. “Not because you want to be.” He tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, and his lips twitched, almost like he was about to smile, but he didn’t. “When you feel better, you’ll leave.”

He stood and walked to the kitchen like what he had just said hadn’t completely yanked the floor out from underneath her. A part of her knew that if it weren’t true it wouldn’t bother her nearly as much as it did. He thought, no he _knew_ , she was using him and it twisted something inside her.

“You hungry?”

She scrambled to her feet and yanked her previously discarded t-shirt over her head, completely ignoring the question about food and flustered enough to fail to add pants to her ensemble. “And you’re okay with that? Just, roll over and…what? Draw me?”

He sighed and looked at her, leaning his hips against the counter. “Versus?”

She threw her hands up in frustration. “I don’t know. Fight me? Convince me?”

He snorted. “That’s worked so well in the past.”

She stilled and was surprised to find herself disappointed in his unwillingness to press her. Did she want him to beg? Was she disappointed that he wasn’t going to grovel and demand she stay? What kind of person did that make her if she needed him to beg her to accept him?

He read her mind. Again. “It’s your turn to ask.”

Their gazes locked and she knew he was waiting. Giving her the chance to do just that. Ask him. Tell him she wasn’t just here because she needed something from him. But in a possibly misguided moment of honesty and self awareness she realized she couldn’t. She _was_ here because she needed something from him. She needed to feel safe, and hidden.

His expression hardened minutely and she almost changed her mind, but he spoke first. “So, food?”

  
******

 

They ordered Thai from a place that was in the neighborhood. He said it was authentic and warned her not to order anything spicy unless she knew what she was getting into. They ate in relative silence, mostly because she shoveled food into her mouth like a starving woman and he watched with an amused expression the whole time, unwilling to interrupt her obvious enjoyment of the food. But there was also something fragile between them at this point, and Rey didn’t know how to react to it, so she avoided it. She had incredible skills at ignoring things she didn’t want to be true.

They’d only been eating for a few minutes when Ben pushed his plate away and stood, moving towards her. She had a forkful of curry ready to pop in her mouth when his hand came over hers and directed it back onto the plate, pushing her meal aside. He wrapped his large hands around her hips and, in a surprising display of strength, lifted her out of her chair and placed her on the table in front of him. She swallowed her last bite awkwardly as he ran his hands up her thighs and spread her legs, stepping in between them. He grabbed the bottom of her T-shirt and pulled it up, Rey helping him as she wiggled out of it, and he tossed it on the floor. Then he placed one of his hands on her breast bone and pushed. She lowered herself to her back on the table and watched as he unbuttoned his pants.

Any surprise on her part that he wanted to have more sex even after their near argument was squashed with his words. He leaned over her and whispered in her ear. “I’ve wanted your naked ass on this table since that day in the rain. After nearly a decade in prison, I’m not turning down free access to pussy.” The words were harsh, but she couldn’t help the thrill they sent up her spine. He tugged her by her hips towards the edge of the table until she felt his stiff cock brush against her, the sensation making her wet as she remembered what it felt like to have him inside her.

She reached up to run her hands through his hair, but he intercepted her before she could touch him and pinned her wrists down. He bent his head to take a nipple into his mouth and rubbed his dick against her clit a few times before he entered her swiftly. She gasped at the sensation of being taken so suddenly, but it felt amazing so she wrapped her legs around him. She was only mildly annoyed at the scratchy texture of the denim of his jeans, reminding her that she was completely nude on his table and he hadn’t even bothered to undress fully.

He twirled his tongue around her nipple and then bit down just enough to sting before he straightened. He hooked his arms under her knees and pulled her towards him as he thrust into her, hitting her deep as he trapped her legs in his grip. Rey felt completely at his mercy in this position and couldn’t help but wonder if this was his way of getting back at her for using him. Maybe he wasn’t as okay with the idea as she’d thought. She couldn’t bring herself to be bothered by it at the moment, however, because it felt so incredibly good. He knew exactly where to hit her and she felt herself arching her back and leaning up onto her elbows as he fucked her harder.

He reached between her legs to press on her clit and she felt a rush of electricity run up her spine. She wanted desperately to touch him so she sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck grabbing a handful of hair. He yanked his head out of her grasp, freeing himself before she could get a grip, and suddenly Rey felt like they were fighting. He released her legs and reached around with both hands to grab her wrists and pin them behind her before pulling out from her completely.

“Ben—” She started to ask what he was doing when he used his grip on her wrists to turn her around and bend her over the table. He nudged her thighs apart and then lined himself up and thrust into her again, groaning, as she slammed into the table.

He released her wrists and grabbed her hips with one hand while the other curled into her hair and pulled until she rose up with the pressure on her scalp, arching her back as he crushed her against him, sliding the hand holding her hip to wrap around her waist. He slowed his pace and went so much deeper at this angle that Rey started gasping with each thrust.

She whispered his name and his grip on her hair tightened as he leaned over and bit her neck, causing her to whimper in pleasure pain. She wanted to wrap her arms around his neck but given his response to her last attempt to touch him, she refrained, gripping the table instead.

He took her ear between his teeth and then murdered her with his words. “I’m going to miss this.”

She cried out in what sounded entirely too much like a sob for her own sense of mind. His hand lowered to the junction of her legs and his thumb found her clit. It only took a few more strokes until Rey shattered in his arms and he followed quickly after her, grunting and wrapping his arms around her as he sat down hard in the chair, their bodies still connected.

He rested his head against her shoulder and she felt her breath coming in shudders. She would not cry. She’d just had glorious sex with this man she was completely infatuated with and if she couldn’t allow herself to think of him as a part of her future or reconcile the fact that this night would inevitably lead to a morning after where she left and then had to remove herself from him to maintain a professional distance so she could do her job that wasn’t, shouldn’t be, something to cry about. Right?

He hushed her, and was running kisses over her shoulder, stroking her stomach and it was then that she realized she actually _was_ crying and that only made her cry harder. She curled up into a smaller ball and he adjusted her on his lap so the she was tucked against him. He let her cry while he ran his hands up and down her back and made soothing noises. Like he wasn’t the one who had just cruelly reminded her that her own stubborn insistence on professionalism and distance was going to end this before it even got started. She didn’t want him comforting her. She wanted him fighting her, damnit. Fighting for her? She didn’t know right now.

She pushed away from him, off his lap, and grabbed her shirt, then quickly stomped over to the bed where her pajama pants had been discarded earlier. She pulled the shirt over her head and nearly tripped trying to get into the pants she was moving so quickly.

“Rey.”

She spun on him. “No. No this is— I don’t know what this is, but you don’t just get to..to tell me you’re going to miss it like you’re a man on his deathbed and I’m you’re last fucking meal!”

“And why the hell not?” He stood and she could tell he was angry because he was doing that thing with his mouth and he didn’t even bother to button the fly of his jeans, he just hitched them up to settle on his waist. “You get to play pretend with me, and I can’t even elect to _not fucking see_ you because if I don’t spend at least an hour a month being tortured by your presence I go back to prison!” He waltzed over to her and bent down, a finger pointed in her face. “You don’t get to be mad at me for taking scraps when that’s all you’ll give me.”

“You deserve more than scraps!” she snapped back, swiping his hand away. The sentence hung between them.

He ran his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated with her contradictory logic.

Rey suddenly had no idea what she was doing. “I should go.”

“No.”

She realized she was biting her nails and moved her hand to the hem of her shirt to fidget with a loose string. She looked down, unable to meet his eyes. “I’m terrified.”

He swallowed loudly enough for her to hear it. “Of me?”

She looked back up at him and whispered. “Of this. Of stepping off a cliff and not being able to come back from it and of then being alone again...” Her voice trailed off.

He stepped closer to her. “Rey.” He reached out and cupped her face, then leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. “Stay.” 

She just nodded and kissed him back.

  
******

Rey spent the night and slept on the mattress on the floor wrapped in a pair of warm arms. He made love to her again in the morning, sweet sleepy sex that had her wondering if she was being a complete idiot for continuing to insist she had to hold him at arm’s length across some professional line. He’d been inside her. How could she possibly go back to monitoring his counseling sessions and completing random, police escorted and supervised check-ins?

She’d left his small studio apartment without fanfare, his goodbye made over the rim of a coffee cup while he watched her rush out shortly after they woke up. She realized he’d expected that. Had prepared himself for it and was just watching her walk away, again, and it seemed almost cruel to her because it really drove the point home that the only person responsible for the separation was her. But she was doing the right thing. The thing she was supposed to do.

Wasn’t she?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In conclusion...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give a huge thanks to everyone who read this and commented and left kudos and supported this story. 
> 
> This is my first published fic and I genuinely hope you all like the end because let’s be honest, endings are hard.

It had been nearly two weeks since she’d walked out of his apartment wondering why it felt like she’d ripped away a part of herself. His absence was like a wound that wouldn’t heal and Finn, lovely protective Finn, had decided they needed to go to lunch to perk her up. He’d wanted Thai food and in a moment of self loathing, Rey suggested the place she and Ben had ordered from. In her defense, it was really good food.

They were sitting at a table for two and Finn was trying to engage her while she just stared down at her plate and forced herself to smile at his jokes. He reached across the table and grabbed her hand in a comforting gesture. She knew he was being helpful and she was trying to listen to him, she really was, but it was so hard. He squeezed her hand and said her name, and Rey looked up at Finn only to have her heart stop because at that moment she saw Ben walk through the door.

He ran his fingers through his hair and walked up to the cashier while time stopped for her. Was he going to sit down? Would he leave before he saw her? She knew Finn was trying to get her attention, but she just couldn’t pull her gaze away from Ben. It was like he was tugging on her soul. She watched, holding her breath to see if he’d notice, and was ready to get up and go to him when the hostess passed him a bag of food and he turned to leave.

He looked right at her, and for a brief moment his eyes softened, but then he saw Finn. And he glanced down at Finn’s hand over hers and she saw him do that fucking lip thing again. Then he looked back at her, gaze narrowed, and mouthed a single word.

“Traitor.”

He turned on his heels and pushed outside. Rey scrambled to get up and follow him, almost knocking over her chair in the process. Finn, who must have been in the middle of a sentence called after her. “What the hell, Rey?”

She ignored him and ran outside.

 

******

 

Ben stood on the corner and took a breath, and then another, like his idiot counselor had told him to do when he felt like punching something. It wasn’t working. He threw the food against the wall of the building he’d just come out of, narrowly missing Rey’s head. No wonder she’d only been willing to give him scraps. She was fucking _dating_.

“Ben—”

He stalked up to her, “Don’t fucking call me that. You don’t get to call me that.” He hated that his voice cracked, making him sound more hurt than angry. He refused to acknowledge he was both. He ran both of his hands through his hair and paced to mitigate the seething anger that coursed through his veins. He wanted to kick something or punch something or rattle Rey until some sense fell out of her.

“He’s my roommate!”

He spun around, startled by her confession, suddenly deathly calm as hurt replaced the anger wrapping around his chest like a vice. Scraps. All he’d ever get was scraps. No more than he deserved. “You live with him.”

She threw her hands up in the air. “Ugh, you’re an idiot.”

“Excuse me?” He stepped into her personal space, trying to intimidate, but typical Rey. She didn’t back down even a little, so he bent his head to glare down at her. “Call me an idiot again.”

She just glared back up at him. “Or what? Finn is a friend.” She pushed him and he stumbled back, surprised by her aggression, although he shouldn’t have been. Rey was a little spitfire with almost as little impulse control as himself. She stepped towards him again, and he stiffened, prepared to be hit. “He has a girlfriend!” She tried to push him back once more, but he held his ground. She really wasn’t a match for his large frame and muscular build when he didn’t want to move. She bounced off him in a rather hilarious way and ended up on her ass at his feet.

She looked up at him with an expression of shock on her face and his lips twitched, all his previous anger gone. He thrust down a hand to her, offering to help her up. She huffed at him, but was clearly about to take his hand when all hell broke loose.

 

******

 

Finn had been startled when Rey jumped up from the table while he was in the middle of explaining to her that he would be there for her and was always willing to listen to her. Because it was obvious she wasn’t listening to him in that moment. He watched her run out of the restaurant and then craned his neck to look out the window and follow her progress.

He had an excellent view of her and the rather agitated, and large, man that… Did he throw his food at her?

Finn threw a couple of twenties on the table while he watched the guy get up in Rey’s face.

“Oh, not okay,” he muttered under his breath and turned to get his jacket and run out of the restaurant, only to see Rey on the ground.

Finn went in swinging.

 

******

 

Rey was just about to take Ben’s hand to get up when she watched Finn rush in and punch him in the face. Seeming to be more startled than actually hurt, Ben shook off the punch and his attention moved from her to his attacker while Rey scrambled to her feet.

“Don’t you touch her!” Finn pushed Ben and then grabbed him by the collar, looking up at the taller man. “Did you do that, asshole?” Finn gestured widely to Rey’s neck, which no longer held bruises. It was clear he’d jumped to some conclusions about their origins. Rey watched, momentarily stunned by Finn’s behavior. It was like watching a car accident that was happening right in front of her. Finn took another swing at Ben, hitting him in the jaw once more, and she watched his head snap back a second time, almost in slow motion, before she realized this had to put a stop to this.

Both she and Ben recovered from their shock at the same time. She moved immediately to pull Finn off Ben, to try to talk some reason into him while making an effort to separate the two men. At the same time, Ben, clearly trying to avoid things escalating into an actual fight, moved to thrust the shorter man away from him by shoving his arm between them and pushing him aside with his forearm. Unfortunately they’d both had the same idea at the same time, which put her jaw in a direct line of contact with his elbow. As Ben shoved Finn to the ground, he simultaneously popped her in the mouth.

“Ow!” She backed up, not wanting _that_ to happen again, while Ben stood over Finn and grabbed him by the collar.

“Back off,” he growled, tossing Finn aside, and then turned back to assess Rey.

Finn rose up and moved once more towards Ben. “I’m not afraid of you, you abusive son of a bitch!”

Rey had to intervene. Abusive? Did Finn even know what that word meant? “Shut up, Finn. Jesus.” The fact that she said this right as Ben told Finn to stay out of it had her roommate flustered enough that he didn’t attack again.

“He hit you!”

Ben wrapped his large hands around her cheeks and cradled her jaw while he hunched down to look at her straight on. Her lip was swollen and the inside of her mouth tasted like blood, but the look of concern on his face had her feeling like she was on cloud nine. And the feeling of his warm hands on her skin was doing something to her insides. She stared at his amber eyes and tried to remember why she’d left him two weeks ago.

He seemed oblivious to the train of her thoughts as he ran his thumb over her lip, assessing it for damage. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’ve had worse in self defense class.” She reached her hand up to his cheek and his gaze met hers. “How about you?”

His smile was soft as he echoed her words. “I’ve had worse in prison.”

“He’s an ex-con?” Finn sounded hysterical.

Ben frowned and looked sideways at Finn then dropped his hands from her face. Rey was tempted to grab for them but managed to restrain herself, not wanting to give herself away in front of Finn. “Your roommate is annoying.”

Finn looked offended. “I am not.”

Ben shook his head in disagreement. “I’ll see you later, Rey-J.” He brushed his thumb across her lip again, a look of regret on his face. He turned from her and walked briskly away, not looking back.

“Rey, who the hell was that?” Finn was standing next to her while she struggled to keep herself from running after him.

“Huh?” She registered that Finn was talking to her, but hadn’t understood what he’d said.

Finn stepped in front of her and her eyes focused on him. “Who was that, Rey? He said he’d been in prison?”

She swallowed, unwilling still to tell Finn anything about the man who owned a piece of her soul as surely as if he had carved it out of her chest. “He’s nobody.” She turned back to the restaurant, indicating to Finn she was ready to leave.

And it’s true, he was nobody. But not to her.

 

******

 

She heard her phone buzz and rolled over in her bed to grab at it, only to still when she saw who the text was from. He’d made no effort to reach out to her since she’d walked out of his studio.

_A roommate?_

_Since college._

_He know?_

_No one knows._

It seemed like forever before he responded.

_Shame._

She knew immediately that word carried multiple meanings. That it was unfortunate that she couldn’t talk about it, but also that she was ashamed of him. Was that why she hadn’t told Finn? Was she ashamed of feeling this way about a murderer? A convict? A man who obviously had little experience doing the right thing?

She realized with a flash of insight that she wasn’t ashamed of him at all. He’d managed to suffer years of abuse, a decade in prison, and yet he’d retained the ability to empathize and care for others. Care for her. How many times had he talked her down from an anxiety attack, made her feel safe, taken care of her?

She typed quickly on her phone.

_I like having you to myself._

_Do you? Have me?_ Shortly after that text came another one. _It’s your turn to ask._

_I’m asking._

She waited, heart in her throat.

_Then you have me._

  
******

 

Rey went to meet with her boss first thing Monday morning. He was sitting at his desk, reclining in his chair chewing on a pen when she waltzed in and dropped Ben Solo’s paper file on his desk. He raised his eyebrows at her but didn’t say anything.

“I want you to reassign Ben Solo to a different parole officer. He’s complying with all the requirements of his parole and doesn’t require anything more extensive than a monthly visit.”

Poe gave her an assessing look and Rey resisted the urge to bite her nails. She clasped her hands tightly behind her back instead.

“Something happen?”

She took a deep breath. “Yes.”

He sat up straight and threw down the pen. “You going to tell me?”

Rey clenched her hands together. It was now or never. “I have feelings for him that are interfering with my ability to be objective. I don’t want to compromise my position, and I—”

Poe cut her off with a swipe of his hand. “Rey, are you telling me you’ve fallen for a guy who stabbed his father to death and spent a decade behind bars in a maximum security prison?”

Rey didn’t really feel like answering that so she didn’t.

He rubbed his face in his hands. “What if I say no?”

She swallowed. “I’ll be forced to resign.”

Poe looked up abruptly. “Rey…”

She put her hands on his desk. “Please don’t make me, Poe. I love my job, and what we do, and helping people who have made mistakes get back on the right path.” She stuttered. “But if I have to choose—”

“Okay.” She straightened not expecting him to cave, but he continued. “Is this why he asked for a new PO months ago?” She just stared at him while he looked at her, concern etched all over his face. “I’ll hand him off to Phasma. She’ll kick his ass if he gets out of line with you.”

“He won’t.”

 

******

 

Rey stood in front of the door literally vibrating.

She’d convinced Poe to reassign Ben Solo’s case to someone else and now she was waiting on his front step like some lovesick teenager for him to open the door. And then he did, and just like every other time when her anxiety threatened to take over, his presence calmed her.

He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips. “Heya, Rey-J.”

She hesitated for another split second before she literally threw herself in his arms and captured his lips in a kiss. He got over his surprise and picked her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist, then he grabbed her bottom hard in one hand and used the other to close the door. His mouth slanted over hers and he walked them over to his table, seemingly unaffected by her weight. He sat her down on the Formica table top and captured her face in his hands, pulling away from the kiss.

Rey had her hands around his neck and kept her feet locked at the ankles behind him.

“You greet all your parolees like this?”

She smiled. “I don’t greet any of my parolees like this.”

He squeezed her hips and pulled her closer to him, rubbing his increasingly hard nether regions against hers. “You quit your job?”

She ran her hands through his hair, and whispered up to his lips, “I got you a new PO.”

He lifted his head as she ran her lips down his jaw and nibbled his neck. “How’d you manage that?”

Rey pulled back and waited until he met her gaze, her expression serious. “I told my boss I was in love with you.”

His eyes widened imperceptibly and he pulled away from her, just enough that she tightened the grip her thighs had on his hips to keep him from moving away from her completely. “Are you?” He gripped her waist almost painfully and frowned. “Don’t say that if you’re not, Rey.”

She searched his gaze, saw his disbelief, his hesitation. She resented having lied to herself for so long. “I’m pretty certain I am, Ben Solo.”

He crushed his lips to hers and her body to him, his warm mouth devouring her. She whimpered as his hands wandered over her, pulling her closer so their bodies were touching the entire length of their torsos. He moved his lips to her ear, “I’ve been in love with you since you showed up and started bossing me around.”

She smiled and let him nip at her neck. “I must have made quite the impression.”

“You have no idea.” He captured her mouth again, essentially putting an end to their conversation.

 

******

 

It wasn’t until much later, while she relaxed on his broad chest that she resumed their conversation.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner, Ben.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I’m just happy you finally stopped lying to yourself.”

She poked his ribs. “Hey! Not fair.”

He squeezed her, and they lay in silence until he whispered in her ear, “You’re not alone, Rey.”

She looked up at him. “Neither are you.”

 

~Fin


End file.
